WTF: Freddie Gage Wants You To Be Next

Remembering for a moment that the whole point of an album cover is to SELL the contents of record, it’s easy to see why Freddie Gage’s friends are all dead. He bored them all directly into the grave.

It’s easy to detect that Gage is another gospel groupie even without reading the fine print on this collection of religious wretchedness. Consult any field guide for the distinguishing marks and characteristics of the terminally Jesu-fied:

1. An ill-advised combination of matching white shirt, shoes AND identically colored tie. Only religious kooks or an undertaker would match the TIE to the rest of the outfit. Come ON, people. When you want to influence people, fashion sense is not just a good idea, it’s a SURVIVAL INSTINCT.

2. Kneeling. I’d guesstimate the age of Freddie Gage (hey, that rhymes! Let’s cut a record!) at late 30s to early 40s. Anybody still interested in kneeling at that age is either waiting for a “client” to unzip or they’re about to start begging God for something.

3. Who in America wears WHITE in a CEMETERY?

4. Preachers always put dumb looking images of themselves on the covers of things. Show me a charismatic preacher with a good looking photo and I’ll show you somebody about to move out of Sunday sermons and into politics.

Bad album covers abound, but this one really needs to be enshrined in a special way.