WTF: Stryken First Strike
Bad album covers? Jesus knows all about them. These poor, misguided born-again heavy metalers forgot to ask the lord for guidance when trying to sort out the artwork for this album cover. Because if they had, it’s almost a dead cert that God (or Satan, for that matter) would tell them NOT to put their own goofy faces on this OR risk being sued by Throbbing Gristle for stealing that band’s lightning logo.
These guys so desperately want this to be a photographic version of the Kiss Destroyer album cover that you can practically hear the conversations now. “NO! Shoot it AGAIN! It doesn’t look like DESTROYER, not even close. We KNOW they’re Kids In Service of Satan, but we REALLY want to be as cool as they are. Oh, please mister photographer, don’t make us look any more effeminate than we already do with the Freddie Mercury pouts and eye makeup.”
“These boots? You want to know about our BOOTS? Well, us boys were in the local theater company production of Pirates of Penzance and we never game them back. We KNOW that’s not christian, but we NEEDED these boots to be…you know, BAD.”
Imagine how the end of the conversation goes…the awkward silences and uncomfortable gulping…”Well, yeah, we DO know we’re totally ripping off that other born-again cheeze metal band that has a name suspiciously similar to our own. And we DO wear the same outrageous eye makeup. But we certainly aren’t trying to make out with them no matter how pretty they are in those yellow and black costumes…Well, not anymore we’re not. Not ever since our pastor told us that’s all naughty and that God gets pissed off.”
“US? No, we don’t do show tunes. For THESE shows we don’t. Interview’s over, sir. We have to cuddle now. I mean, pray.”
Ahh, the poor repressed born again glam rock dudes. Lads! Just embrace your inner eye makeup-and-pirate-boot-wearing rock butch guitar Castro Street cassanova. You’ll be much happier and probably make better music.
