Category Archives: WTF?

WTF Album Covers: Doctor Fishbein Talks To A Growing Girl

Bad album covers Doctor Fishbein Talks To A Growing GirlI don’t know who Doctor Fishbein is, but I WANT THIS RECORD. As a collector of weirdness on vinyl, this seems like a no-brainer, must-own piece of vinyl insanity.

I wonder, what do these two talk about? No, I DON’T wonder, we know EXACTLY what they’re talking about.

Somebody PLEASE sell me this record. It begs to be sampled and mashed up into all manner of sinister-sounding electronic music with an air of evil and menace. Or maybe disco instead. Yeah, disco.

–Joe Wallace

 

WTF Album Covers: Explaining Sex To Your Little Girl

WTF album covers explaining sexFor a start, any vinyl record that presumes to teach you something about sex already has a lot working against it…but throw a creepy/pervo Norman Rockwell vibe into the mix with the cover art and you have WTF gold. And look at that cup of coffee she’s got there…whatever she’s learning from that record, she’ll be up all night thinking about it.

I discovered this one at the similarly WTF-n-vintage-obsessed Vintage Everyday blog. Good stuff there…and a lot of it!

–Joe Wallace

 

MTV Predicts The Death of Vinyl Records In The Late 1980s

Funny, clueless, and basically just filler for MTV News masquerading as some kind of observation of the format wars, this MTV News report is probably as entertaining for those 80s hairdos as it is in the delightfully look-at-how-WRONG-they-were-ness of it all.

Oh, yes. MTV you had a crystal ball, alright. It was covered in whipped cream and never worked quite right, but you had one. >AHEM<



Vinyl Road Rage V Begins…

The annual Turntabling cross-country road trip known as Vinyl Road Rage begins Tuesday morning, June 4, 2013 towards Pittsburgh and elsewhere.

There’s a lengthy itinerary that I’ve decided to reveal as I go, rather than publish in advance, only because the length of the trip depends greatly on how much insanity happens along the way. How rare does the vinyl get? How much can I bring back? Will any of my finds wind up for sale at some point in the Turntabling shop??

All EXCELLENT QUESTIONS.

There will be plenty of updates between this space, my Facebook page and my Instagram account. Join me on all three as I document the cross-country road trip and all the unique, weird, and interesting finds along the way.

It’s going to get crazy from here!

WTF Album Cover Vs. House of Whipcord

I’ve been staring at this album cover for quite some time trying to remember what it reminded me of…

I have never listened to Come to The Chapel, but I can only imagine that it’s totally dreadful–LOOK at this and try to convince someone, anyone, that it’s worth five seconds of needle-drop time. Just TRY.

But that’s besides the point. I could NOT get it out of my head what it was this LP cover was reminding me of in all its wretched glory. And then it popped into my head like the distant drunken memory of touching a party guest inappropriately after one too many glasses of wine…

This album cover is creepily reminiscent of Peter Walker’s 70s Brit-sploitation magnum opus House Of Whipcord.

If you’ve never seen the film, that reference will mean NOTHING to you…but if you HAVE seen House of Whipcord, doesn’t this poor old born-again crooner lady bear the faintest resemblance to the creepy whip-loving matron of the private dungeon in the Pete Walker flick?

She just projects the VIBE of someone who would be inclined to keep “wayward girls” locked up in an illegal detention center waiting for the chance to put ’em on trial or lay down the whip, either way.

If you have not seen the movie, you owe yourself a look at this obscure 70s retro classic of Brit moral terror. Click the pic to go buy it right this effing instant from Amazon.com.

–Joe Wallace

Christmas With Colonel Sanders

 

I’ve been eyeballing this album for weeks, and finally bought it yesterday at Laurie’s Planet of Sound in Chicago. I finally broke down and bought this because of the burning questions the album raises for deep thinkers like me.

“Who the hell wears a sting tie?” and “Fried chicken for Christmas?”

Most importantly, “Do I really need to have the leering face of Colonel Sanders peering down at me at 3AM on Christmas morning? Complete with that ‘let’s open presents’ gleam in his eye easily mistaken for the more sinister ‘don’t tell your parents we’re doing this’ leer…”

I am afraid to put this record on the turntable–buried in my sleep-deprived brain I am sure there are coded instructions that will activate some sort of post-hypnotic suggestion telling me to chop up the neighbors for firewood and to make festive sausages out of goldfish–the fish, not the crackers.

The Colonel doesn’t seem to sing on this LP, which is a kindness, really.

I imagine his voice would sound like a cross between a drunken Anthony Hopkins in his best Hannibal Lecter moments and Vincent Price whooping it up on nitrous oxide.

In other news, I’ll likely be featuring this LP in a spoken-word rant at an open mic night near you sometime soon. Vinyl Road Rage V might be crammed full of appearances like that, stay tuned for announcements on that…

–Joe Wallace

Vinyl Road Rage Update

It’s been a while since there were any serious updates here…but I’m looking to alter that, especially in light of the developments with Vinyl Road Rage V as of late.

I’ve been contemplating doing an experiment–a spoken word tour of open mic nights along the vinyl road rage route that would have me on stage talking about the weird and wonderful vinyl finds I make on the journey. Vinyl Road Rage has always felt like some kind of band tour for me, but I never performed in any capacity along the way.

This year I’m looking to change that. I’m trying to find venues to hit on the route between Chicago and Pittsburgh, then from Pittsburgh to Minneapolis and beyond. Open mic nights are free-for-all, come one-come all type events (so it seems to me) so it will be interesting to do and even more interesting to see if there’s any interest in some form of fun discussion of vinyl records that involves weirdness, snotty humor and bad album covers.

I’ve got about 20 albums all set aside for the first of these experiments, which I plan to do here in Chicago very soon. I’ll keep you posted on that and will be posting dates and times soon.

In the meantime, I do plan on resurrecting the WTF Records posts here and yes, the BOOK version of WTF Records is NOT dead…it’s just been a bit dormant lately as I’ve been swamped with school (I’m doing coursework in the Sound Design program at Tribeca Flashpoint Media Academy) and paying the bills….

Stay tuned for Vinyl Road Rage dates as well as the spoken word dates and times–Chicago is first, I plan on hitting one a week (at a minimum) to warm up for Vinyl Road Rate. Stay tuned!

Joe Wallace

Vinyl Road Rage V: Milwaukee, Madison, Minneapolis and More

It’s that time again…Turntabling’s annual voyage across the United States in search of the best indie record shops, the weirdest vinyl, the most amazing and noteworthy finds. Yes, VINYL ROAD RAGE FIVE is in the planning stages now and set for a June launch.

This year, for some reason, the M cities are getting special attention. It wasn’t by design but I’ll be hitting Milwaukee, Madison, and Minneapolis just to name a few. There are a staggering TWENTY FIVE record stores on the list this year including some “secret” stops and a lot of wonderfully well-known places as well.

Vinyl Road Rage is something that does not like to repeat itself–I try to hit places I’ve not been, hence the journey towards the Twin Cities, but this year there are some early scheduled stops at some favorite stomping grounds of Viny Road Rages past including the mighty Jerry’s Records in Pittsburgh, PA.

I will be posting a tentative list of all the record store stops along the way which is SUBJECT TO CHANGE, and also be running down a few interesting items about Vinyl Road Rage in the days to come. It’s worth pointing out that this insane road trip is on a schedule that juggles a bit of paying freelance work (oh, yes, I’ll be doing some work from the road, believe me…), driving time, hardcore record store buying and more…I say that in advance by way of apology to my friends and colleagues I might not have a chance to stop and visit with while I’m passing in or near certain cities.

It seriously bums me out to have to keep to a schedule as such, but being a hardcore vinyl blogging indie record store road warrior does have it’s price–and paying heed to the clock and the calendar is definitely it.

Vinyl Road Rage will feature video, podcasts, blog posts and tons of photos from the road. Stay tuned, record store lovers…this particular Vinyl Road Rage is one for the record books. Or at least A BOOK of some kind.

–Joe Wallace