WTF Album Covers Disco Rick Has A Mouthful For You

If you think this is a throwaway from Chappelle’s Show, think again. The Negro’s Back by Disco Rick is one hell of a bewildering album cover. Is he brandishing the KKK hood because he just beat the living crap out of some inbred redneck throwback or is he threatening to MAKE YOU WEAR IT?

The flames on this WTF album cover are also confusing. Is Disco Rick in HELL here? Or maybe he’s just set fire to his own pants because, you know, it makes him feel sexy. Disco Rick isn’t sporting any disco attire here, so it’s not exactly clear what kind of disco we’re dealing with here. Perhaps this album cover is actually an ADVERTISEMENT for a redneck disco that features a nightly bonfire and weenie roast. Or maybe Disco Rick is actually a fireman and we’re mistaking a piece of safety equipment for a Klan hood.

No, that’s not right.

There’s SOME kind of statement going on here, just hard to figure out what it is. The noose, the fire, and the hood would all be pretty emotionally loaded, politically charged stuff…except the message is coming from a guy with the word DISCO in his stage name. It’s the equivalent of getting a book in the mail titled, “The Relative Merits of James Joyce and William Faulkner” written by HOWARD STERN. … Continue Reading

WTF Bad Album Covers: Swimsuit Girls in Accordion Hell

Notice that the swimsuit girls do NOT appear crowded around this guy while he has that accordion around his neck. What many people do not know is that the word “accordion” is Greek for “birth control”.

WTF Bad Album Covers: Twin Peaks, Anyone?

Does the peace of mind come from the perspective of whoever’s responsible for the dead chick on the cover wrapped in plastic? Is this the corpse of a shrewish, constantly nagging loudmouth who said one snide thing too many before being bashed over the head with an Italian glass ashtray? Or maybe this album cover is suggesting that being DEAD and WRAPPED IN PLASTIC is what gives that peace of mind? Wow…what a statement!

WTF Bad Album Covers: Dolly Parton Bubbling Over

by Joe Wallace

If I saw the disembodied head of Dolly Parton floating in MY lawn sprinkler system, I wouldn’t know whether to shoot myself in the head or start screaming for an exorcist, but one thing’s for sure–I wouldn’t stand idly by waiting for the hideous jabbering head of Dolly Parton to start uttering blasphemies in Etruscan and summoning demons in the middle of the yard.

The most WTF part of this wretched album cover is the fact that–unless my eyes deceive me–that’s Dolly Parton standing at the back of this scene, watching her OWN HEAD floating on the sprinkler spray. How effed up is THAT? What is this cover saying about the mental state of the singer?

Seems to me that Dolly Parton’s dual personality crisis has manifested itself on this album–this cover is a cry for help. “Please save me from myself!” Dolly is shrieking. That’s not a smile on her face, that’s the rictus grin of someone who has either died recently or has been injected with a lethal dose of botox and rabies.

Or it’s the facial expression of someone who GETS that the cover art concepts sucks the root, but has been held hostage by the record company. “Dolly, if you don’t do this album cover JUST THE WAY WE SAY, we’ll electrocute a puppy. AND we’ll cut off your electrolysis treatments. Got it? You WANT hairy nipples? Go ahead, give us trouble.”

WTF Bad Album Covers: Monstrosity In Dark Purity

by Joe Wallace

Oh, sweet Jesus what do we have HERE? Scary, barely legible band logos indicated the presence of METAL.

Supported by the fact that a vaguely Rob Zombie-esque sinister entity appears on the cover of this mons-turd, and it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or his latter day doppleganger Doctor Who to figure out that a brain clearly damaged by hours of non-stop headbanging thought this Photoshopped atrocity would be a great way to sell records.

The name of this little gem really takes the cake. “In Dark Purity“?? Why not just call it “Little House On The Prairie With Satan” and get it over with?

With a title like that, these guys HAVE to be Cookie Monster metal. I’m not listening to this to find out–we’ll save that little chore for a teeno hesher who hasn’t heard enough bad music yet. I can only judge this book by its cover…

I won’t even LOOK at the song titles, which I am sure are early-period Metallica ripoffs. I bet you a dollar there’s an Eye of the Beholder-style title, some kind of Fade to Black reference, a song about falling into a pit of despair and at least one track that makes references to conquering, crushing, or sodomizing an angel.

Go look for me, willya?

WTF Bad Album Covers: Bee Gees Cucumber Castle

The fact that this exists at all is highly amusing, but funnier still–the notion that someone held a piece of vinyl with two total berks in armor on the cover and said, “Yes, Cucumber Castle is definitely the right name for this.’

One can only hope that the phrase “sausage party” is quickly replaced by “cucumber castle” now that this is getting the light of day.

Who did the art direction for this? “Yes, darling, we plan to have two of the band members photographed standing about in suits of armor. What? NO, they most definitely will NOT be doing anything aside from looking extremely uncomfortable. That’s how things WERE back then, you know. Nobody did much because of those bloody suits of armor. Except kill each other once in a while.” … Continue Reading

WTF Album Covers: Jerry Colonna Music For Screaming

This wretched album cover for the Jerry Colonna album Music For Screaming couldn’t be accused of false advertising; this album cover is an accurate depiction of the mental state you’ll be in once you’ve listened to a track or two. But this record couldn’t possibly hold a candle to the promise of Dexy’s Midnight Runners Frontman Kevin Rowland, who on My Beauty barfs up versions of Daydream Believer, The Long and Winding Road, and The Greatest Love of All. In short, music for screaming–and a stunner of a bad album cover to boot!

Some would call it homophobic to make fun of this album cover as it might represent someone’s attempt to come out of the closet or come to terms with their sexuality…but I put it to you that Pete Burns, Boy George, hell even Jayne County had album covers sexier than this.

Instead of some kind of bold statement, the expression on THIS guy’s face is one of somebody who got caught playing “Silence of the Lambs” in front of the mirror ala Buffalo Bill.

“Um, er…I wasn’t actually doing THE TUCK, lads. Really.”

There is more raw sex appeal in an album cover by The Mentors than this. If you’re really into the Pete Burns gender bendy concept (and why not?) here’s a VERY important tip–DITCH THE SIDEBURNS. You wouldn’t catch Annie Lennox with a pair of chops like this, and if Lemmy ever decided to give an alternative lifestyle a whirl I guarantee you he’d shave the fuzz off and never look back. Though he would look right scary in a set of pumps–Lemmy would need a pair of cycle boots regardless of which side of the street he decides to work.

WTF Bad Album Covers: Predator Easy Prey

by Joe Wallace

Easily one of the most offensive album covers of all time, the Predator Easy Prey vinyl album defies logic–IF the guiding principle of album artwork is to sell the music inside. “Hey kids, buy this record–it’s about SEXUAL ASSAULT!”

What were these lunkheads thinking when they came up with THIS crap? It’s difficult to blame the band 100% on this one–the fault rests squarely with the record label, Metal Blade Records if an interview with Predator’s Jeff Prentice is to be believed. Prentice was interviewed by Sleazegrinder.com, saying “I laughed my ass off that they actually used it. Talk about low budget!” Prentice added, “It was all in good fun. Nowadays the politically correct liberal f*cks would be all over it. Heh heh.”

Some would counter that by saying that it’s not so much a question of political correctness per se, but rather the idea that–as presented on the cover and the infamous back cover (see below) the band might be misinterpreted as saying “We don’t actually have a problem with this.” Or maybe they’re saying, “We like hot chicks in beachwear, but didn’t have the balls to just show that cuz it’s like, you know, not METAL enough. Party on, Garth.”

Prentice nyuk nyuks about this cover, but the presentation actually would have been far more interesting if the roles were reversed on the back cover of the LP instead of what we get here:

But it’s not really Turntabling’s gig to discuss effing philosophy of art with this crap–it’s more about first impression factors and whether the album art does its job well. If you spot THIS winner in the shops, do you want to BUY it? … Continue Reading

WTF Album Covers Joe Gibbs Pot-Free Reggae Christmas

by Joe Wallace

Yes, that’s a great big old marijuana plant or two on the cover of the Joe Gibbs Reggae Christmas album. At Turntabling, we tend to sympathize with Anthony Bourdain, Don Letts, and Peter Tosh when it comes to legalization of the herb–after all, what are malt, hops, and barley? The presence of George Washington’s favorite plant on this album cover is laugh-inducing, but it doesn’t necessarily make it a BAD album cover all by itself…so what gives, Gibbs?

I’ll tell you what gives. The WTF factor for yours truly (aside from having a powerful case of the munchies just LOOKING at this cover) comes when you compare the cover for this vinyl record with the cover for the Joe Gibbs Reggae Christmas album available for download on Amazon.com.

Is this even the SAME ALBUM? Nicely sanitized and pot-free, we’re guessing this makes the world safe for the kiddies who don’t want to come downstairs on Xmas morning to find a nice big fatty in their Christmas stocking. Well, darlings, that’s all YOU. Me, I kind of like the idea of having a glazed Christmas, thanks.

I bet poor ol’ Joe Gibbs had NOTHING to do with any of this–some record company hack or Amazon corporate doink decided that purple sticky wasn’t appropriate for Christmas. After all, it’s marketed at the kiddies, right? Can’t have the rugrats wondering why Mom and Dad are giggling so much and eating all the fruitcake.

WTF Bad Album Covers: The Best Heavy Metal Album Ever

It’s not the artwork that makes this one of the worst covers we’ve seen all month, it’s the last word printed on the cover.

There’s only one thing sillier than putting a nancy-boy glam band like Poison on a heavy metal compilation album…and that’s putting a nancy-boy whine-rock band like NICKELBACK on a heavy metal compilation album. That this piece of crap is called The Best Heavy Metal Album In The World Ever AND features a Nickelback song is proof positive that morons rule the world, and we are their slaves.

OK, not ALL of us, but at least the suckers who actually BOUGHT this. Sorry, but the fact that Motorhead shows up here does NOT redeem the album. The Best Heavy Metal Album Ever is, in all possibility by Motorhead…so ignore this and go listen to March Or Die instead.

I hate to go on and on here, but Nickelback? METAL? The very name is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. Nickelback is by far one of the absolute worst of the whiner bands in recent memory. They started off as unlistenable angst-whiner rock and went downhill from there to balladeering craphounds. All whiners, all the time. What a bunch of tossers. And now…this. Rock on, dudes. And Nickelback.

Wow, that was a lot of venom directed at the gents in the N-word band. I feel better now. Lighter.

J. Wallace