WTF Bad Album Covers: Static-X Start A War

Our very first WTF bad album cover since Vinyl Road Rage! Don’t worry, there are plenty more Vinyl Road Rage record store review posts coming, but this week we resume our normal posts, too…and WTF bad album covers are piling up all over the place faster than I can write them up and post them.

First I’d like to say that from a visual perspective, I think this band was much better when it was called Alice In Chains. Maybe they THINK they’re Alice In Chains, but one listen to the tracks off this album and you’ll be begging for Layne Staley to dig himself out of the ground and throttle these guys to death with his bare zombified hands.

This is yet another in a long parade of nu metal “mad faces” album covers, but honestly, the cover makes it look like the mad faces are due to the fact that the hair salon won’t take them as walk-in clients rather than some kind of teeno-angst mongering.

I couldn’t figure out what it was that made me think this Static-X album cover is so wretched until I realized that the mad face dude with his mouth open (catching flies, no doubt) makes this cover look an AWFUL LOT like that Devil’s Bris album by Voltaire.

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WTF Bad Album Covers: Conway Twitty Wants Your Sweet Ass

Looking at this, it is PAINFULLY obvious that I’ve been picking on the gangta rap and heavy metal genres far too much. I might actually owe Mister Stinky an apology after seeing this winner by Conway Twitty. I nearly typed Conway TWITTER just now, which is a sign of some kind of horrific impending brain malfunction/meltdown, I am sure.

There’s so much wrong going on here that you don’t know which way to run. How much coke do you have to be on to look at this and say, “Yep, that’s MY RECORD and that’s EXACTLY how I wanna look.” Just LOOK at it–this cover makes Conway Twitty look like that creep who backs you into a corner at parties, smelling of Coors and stale cigarettes, asking you when the last time you were with a REAL MAANNN.

And let’s not overlook the title. Say it to yourself out loud to discover just how creepy it sounds to hear “I’ve alllready looooved you..in mah minnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

Yeah, Conway, I’m sure of that. But did I squeal like a pig when it happened?

WTF Bad Album Covers: No Commentary Necessary

I’m not saying a DAMN THING about this one. Do I really need to? Times like these I wish I could turn off the non-stop Beavis and Butthead episode playing in my brain, but I can’t, OK? Just snicker along with me and let’s call it a day and nobody make the joke about playing this album only once per month. Effing tasteless.

WTF Bad Album Covers: Twin Peaks, Anyone?

Does the peace of mind come from the perspective of whoever’s responsible for the dead chick on the cover wrapped in plastic? Is this the corpse of a shrewish, constantly nagging loudmouth who said one snide thing too many before being bashed over the head with an Italian glass ashtray? Or maybe this album cover is suggesting that being DEAD and WRAPPED IN PLASTIC is what gives that peace of mind? Wow…what a statement!

Our First NSFW WTF Bad Album Cover

This edition of WTF Bad Album Covers is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Now that we have that formality out of the way… … Continue Reading