Tag Archives: WTF records

WTF Album Covers: Doctor Fishbein Talks To A Growing Girl

Bad album covers Doctor Fishbein Talks To A Growing GirlI don’t know who Doctor Fishbein is, but I WANT THIS RECORD. As a collector of weirdness on vinyl, this seems like a no-brainer, must-own piece of vinyl insanity.

I wonder, what do these two talk about? No, I DON’T wonder, we know EXACTLY what they’re talking about.

Somebody PLEASE sell me this record. It begs to be sampled and mashed up into all manner of sinister-sounding electronic music with an air of evil and menace. Or maybe disco instead. Yeah, disco.

–Joe Wallace

 

Selling Vinyl Records in 2014

Prey original soundtrack LP vinylTurntabling is definitely selling vinyl records and CDs in 2014. We took a break from hitting the road to sell at horror and sci-fi conventions like Flashback Weekend, Cinema Wasteland and others due to scheduling issues (your humble Turntabling.net crew works in film sound when we’re not selling records) but those commitments have been fulfilled and we’ll be back on the road in 2014–and that includes Vinyl Road Rage.

For those not familiar with THAT fun endeavor, Vinyl Road Rage is a cross-country journey to find the best and most interesting records and record stores in the USA. This year we plan on hitting the road again for another extended trip. Could 2014 finally be the year we drive from coast to coast? It could happen.

In the meantime, do have a look at the long list of titles we have for sale at Discogs.com, everything from rare Italian soundtracks to underappreciated goth, industrial, new wave and experimental titles. There’s a lot of unusual stuff in what we call The Turntabling Collection, hundreds of hand-picked records from all over the globe.

Interested in buying rare Ennio Morricone soundtracks? Old weird electronic music? Limited edition soundtrack CDs from giallo and spaghetti western genres? We have it all in The Turntabling Collection for sale at Discogs.com.

When you purchase these records, you’re helping keep Turntabling.net alive and you provide valuable financial support for our Vinyl Road Rage excursions. This site would NOT exist without your support. THANK YOU!!!

–Joe Wallace

Terror Original Soundtrack vinyl LP for sale turntabling

Christmas With Colonel Sanders

 

I’ve been eyeballing this album for weeks, and finally bought it yesterday at Laurie’s Planet of Sound in Chicago. I finally broke down and bought this because of the burning questions the album raises for deep thinkers like me.

“Who the hell wears a sting tie?” and “Fried chicken for Christmas?”

Most importantly, “Do I really need to have the leering face of Colonel Sanders peering down at me at 3AM on Christmas morning? Complete with that ‘let’s open presents’ gleam in his eye easily mistaken for the more sinister ‘don’t tell your parents we’re doing this’ leer…”

I am afraid to put this record on the turntable–buried in my sleep-deprived brain I am sure there are coded instructions that will activate some sort of post-hypnotic suggestion telling me to chop up the neighbors for firewood and to make festive sausages out of goldfish–the fish, not the crackers.

The Colonel doesn’t seem to sing on this LP, which is a kindness, really.

I imagine his voice would sound like a cross between a drunken Anthony Hopkins in his best Hannibal Lecter moments and Vincent Price whooping it up on nitrous oxide.

In other news, I’ll likely be featuring this LP in a spoken-word rant at an open mic night near you sometime soon. Vinyl Road Rage V might be crammed full of appearances like that, stay tuned for announcements on that…

–Joe Wallace

Vinyl Road Rage Update

It’s been a while since there were any serious updates here…but I’m looking to alter that, especially in light of the developments with Vinyl Road Rage V as of late.

I’ve been contemplating doing an experiment–a spoken word tour of open mic nights along the vinyl road rage route that would have me on stage talking about the weird and wonderful vinyl finds I make on the journey. Vinyl Road Rage has always felt like some kind of band tour for me, but I never performed in any capacity along the way.

This year I’m looking to change that. I’m trying to find venues to hit on the route between Chicago and Pittsburgh, then from Pittsburgh to Minneapolis and beyond. Open mic nights are free-for-all, come one-come all type events (so it seems to me) so it will be interesting to do and even more interesting to see if there’s any interest in some form of fun discussion of vinyl records that involves weirdness, snotty humor and bad album covers.

I’ve got about 20 albums all set aside for the first of these experiments, which I plan to do here in Chicago very soon. I’ll keep you posted on that and will be posting dates and times soon.

In the meantime, I do plan on resurrecting the WTF Records posts here and yes, the BOOK version of WTF Records is NOT dead…it’s just been a bit dormant lately as I’ve been swamped with school (I’m doing coursework in the Sound Design program at Tribeca Flashpoint Media Academy) and paying the bills….

Stay tuned for Vinyl Road Rage dates as well as the spoken word dates and times–Chicago is first, I plan on hitting one a week (at a minimum) to warm up for Vinyl Road Rate. Stay tuned!

Joe Wallace

WTF Album Covers Kids’ Corner

For some reason, WTF album art gets SUPER, er, WTF-y, when it comes to albums for and about children. Special thanks to BizarreRecords.com for two of these gems which should terrify any and everyone.

Has this guy been arrested yet?

Let’s see if this concept is understood properly. An adult male who has never been married, or is active sexually is going to…teach your kids about sex. Or teach YOU how to teach them. Not only that, the adult male in question looks like a clueless berk who just got out of a minimum security prison for forging postage stamps.

It is NEVER safe to assume that an album cover with a puppet on it is a children’s record. It’s been said before and it’s getting repeated here; if half of the whole point of the ventriloquist act is to do tricks where it looks like the dummy is talking and not the human, WHY DO A RECORD? Never mind. Just revel in the delicious awfulness.

Has THIS guy been arrested yet?

 

A Triple Dose of WTF

Seriously, people, what’s up with the matching outfits? If you stare at these facial expressions long enough, you might be able to detect a note of “HELP ME” in their eyes. Were these people HOSTAGES?

The word “Polka” on the title should be enough to send any sensible person screaming down the street begging for a bullet to offer merciful release from the utter terror and sonic torture that is an entire LP full of the damn things. But somehow enough polka records sold to justify producing even more. Can someone PLEASE explain what it is about the polka that makes people sit down and listen to records like this without any threat of punishment whatsoever?

And speaking of punishment…

“Um, heh heh, huh huh, yeah. It’s like, you know, METAL. And it’s like, huh huh, a WOLF. Heh heh, huh huh. Heh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Metal. Heh. Wolf. The only thing that would make this album cover any COOLER is if there were some TURDS on it. Heh heh, huh huh. Cuz that would RULE.”

Read The Label

I found this at SteveCarter.com, and while the first-glance impression of this Wayne Newton LP cover is funny enough all by itself, reading the label of the LP makes the image even more priceless:

If the writing on the LP is too small for you even with your bifocals on, (and it IS too small, for sure) you will be amused/revolted to know that the LP title is “Bowel And Bladder Training”. I really, really, REALLY don’t want to know, but feel compelled to own this just the same.

And if you REALLY NEED a vinyl record to tell you about bowel and bladder training (whatever that is) I weep for you. Truly.

–Joe Wallace