Seriously, people, what’s up with the matching outfits? If you stare at these facial expressions long enough, you might be able to detect a note of “HELP ME” in their eyes. Were these people HOSTAGES?
The word “Polka” on the title should be enough to send any sensible person screaming down the street begging for a bullet to offer merciful release from the utter terror and sonic torture that is an entire LP full of the damn things. But somehow enough polka records sold to justify producing even more. Can someone PLEASE explain what it is about the polka that makes people sit down and listen to records like this without any threat of punishment whatsoever?
And speaking of punishment…
“Um, heh heh, huh huh, yeah. It’s like, you know, METAL. And it’s like, huh huh, a WOLF. Heh heh, huh huh. Heh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Metal. Heh. Wolf. The only thing that would make this album cover any COOLER is if there were some TURDS on it. Heh heh, huh huh. Cuz that would RULE.”
It totally defies description or explanation. Suitable for framing, pondering, and head-scratching. WTF does this sound like? Who cares? It demands to be purchased on the strength of its weirdness alone:
I found this at SteveCarter.com, and while the first-glance impression of this Wayne Newton LP cover is funny enough all by itself, reading the label of the LP makes the image even more priceless:
If the writing on the LP is too small for you even with your bifocals on, (and it IS too small, for sure) you will be amused/revolted to know that the LP title is “Bowel And Bladder Training”. I really, really, REALLY don’t want to know, but feel compelled to own this just the same.
And if you REALLY NEED a vinyl record to tell you about bowel and bladder training (whatever that is) I weep for you. Truly.
When trying to sell your new album, it’s vitally important NOT to have a cover which looks like it was assembled by a committee of kindergarten-age head trauma patients:
Never mind the shoddy presentation of this album, kids–this geezer is singing his love ballads in a NEW ACCENT! Hold on to your zippers, it’s gonna be a long night!