I wonder if when gospel bands are praying to Jesus, if their lord and savior couldn’t take five seconds to have a word with them about their lame-ass album covers. I mean, come ON, now, Jesus…can’t you spare a COUPLE of moments for these poor dorks?

Let’s pass Go AND collect $200–the first thing this album cover says to me is that a slasher movie moment is in the offing here–the Gospel Axe is going to wind up in the back of that chick’s SKULL.

“Hey guys, what do you want to call this band?” Bruce Yelton asks the others. “We’re singin’ about Jesus here, so why don’t we give it some kind of dorky name that sounds like it’s SUPPOSED to be hip and happening, but is really some kind of dumb-ass made up word that doesn’t actually MEAN anything.”

To which the woman in this group replies, “You just said “dumbass”. You’re a sinner and you’re going to hell straightaway. The REST of this band is ‘upbound’ but not you.”

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“Well, my sister, you’ve just given us the band name. Now stand over here and don’t move, Im a-gonna swing this Gospel Axe and chop off your head because you’re a dirty FEMALE spreadin’ temptation to us pure and righteous brothers over here. That v-necked sweater that doesn’t actually reveal anything is giving me a Woodrow.”