It’s not OFFICIALLY the world’s most expensive record needle, but at 10K, the Clearaudio Goldfinger is squarely in Donald Trump territory. Sold by NeedleDoctor.com, the Goldfinger is 16 grams of pure gold, with a boron cantilever. Are you going on one knee for some sweet, sweet DJ? Don’t waste your cash on one of those useless finger trinkets sold in shopping mall diamond shops, get this bit of precious metal instead. It’s functional, it’s beautiful, and it probably sounds like nothing on earth. Too bad it costs nearly as much as you’d get selling a kidney. What’s the first thing you’d play after scoring one of these? For my money, it would have to be the More Beer album by FEAR.

Just kidding.