by Joe Wallace

There are no words. Wait, yes there are.  Just LOOK at this damn thing, which I might add sells on Amazon new for nearly $200 in some third-party shops (!!!).

The cover of this nightmare is hilarious enough, but the backstory of this album is even better. First, take a look at the bottom where the text proudly announcing the “original cast” appearing on this holiday atrocity.

Hey kids! This record features the voice of C-3PO, Anthony Daniels, plus R2D2–who as we all know did all his own voice work and stunts. (I think R2D2 is now a Hollywood producer doing three feature length bondage fetish porn movies a year starring soap opera star lookalikes and retired standup comedians. “Holiday IN The Stars” was the name of his very first production.)

And then there’s the presence of a young teenager named Jon, who started out his career as a janitor, as the legend goes, at a New York recording studio where the Holiday In The Stars album was being recorded. Somebody at the studio put in a good word for the 18-year old cleanup guy, he wound up singing lead on one of the songs featured on this Star Wars holiday record, and just a short time later–so the story goes–the kid was cutting a demo.

That demo led Jon Bon Jovi to his first record deal in 1983.

So you have George Effing Lucas to blame for both Jon Bon Jovi AND Jar Jar Binks. Really, they’re one in the same if you ask me.

(P.S. If the Bon Jovi story is just another urban legend, don’t correct me–I don’t want to know. I like having George Lucas to blame for all those god-awful singles in the 80s from Slippery When Wet and other intellectually stunted albums.)