Tag Archives: bad album covers

WTF Album Covers: Doctor Fishbein Talks To A Growing Girl

Bad album covers Doctor Fishbein Talks To A Growing GirlI don’t know who Doctor Fishbein is, but I WANT THIS RECORD. As a collector of weirdness on vinyl, this seems like a no-brainer, must-own piece of vinyl insanity.

I wonder, what do these two talk about? No, I DON’T wonder, we know EXACTLY what they’re talking about.

Somebody PLEASE sell me this record. It begs to be sampled and mashed up into all manner of sinister-sounding electronic music with an air of evil and menace. Or maybe disco instead. Yeah, disco.

–Joe Wallace

 

WTF Album Covers: Explaining Sex To Your Little Girl

WTF album covers explaining sexFor a start, any vinyl record that presumes to teach you something about sex already has a lot working against it…but throw a creepy/pervo Norman Rockwell vibe into the mix with the cover art and you have WTF gold. And look at that cup of coffee she’s got there…whatever she’s learning from that record, she’ll be up all night thinking about it.

I discovered this one at the similarly WTF-n-vintage-obsessed Vintage Everyday blog. Good stuff there…and a lot of it!

–Joe Wallace

 

WTF Album Cover Vs. House of Whipcord

I’ve been staring at this album cover for quite some time trying to remember what it reminded me of…

I have never listened to Come to The Chapel, but I can only imagine that it’s totally dreadful–LOOK at this and try to convince someone, anyone, that it’s worth five seconds of needle-drop time. Just TRY.

But that’s besides the point. I could NOT get it out of my head what it was this LP cover was reminding me of in all its wretched glory. And then it popped into my head like the distant drunken memory of touching a party guest inappropriately after one too many glasses of wine…

This album cover is creepily reminiscent of Peter Walker’s 70s Brit-sploitation magnum opus House Of Whipcord.

If you’ve never seen the film, that reference will mean NOTHING to you…but if you HAVE seen House of Whipcord, doesn’t this poor old born-again crooner lady bear the faintest resemblance to the creepy whip-loving matron of the private dungeon in the Pete Walker flick?

She just projects the VIBE of someone who would be inclined to keep “wayward girls” locked up in an illegal detention center waiting for the chance to put ’em on trial or lay down the whip, either way.

If you have not seen the movie, you owe yourself a look at this obscure 70s retro classic of Brit moral terror. Click the pic to go buy it right this effing instant from Amazon.com.

–Joe Wallace

WTF Album Covers: Fleetwood Mac

Fleetwood Mac have been immortalized in the not-so-hallowed halls of bad album artwork before, but this truly is one of the most bewildering LP covers in their history as a band. If someone knows WTF they were thinking when they approved the artwork for Heroes Are Hard To Find, perhaps sharing that information could clear up the mystery.

One suspects that the driving motivation behind this album art was that it was mostly black, enabling one to quickly locate a small quantity of leftover cocaine residue left behind by the previous snorter, if one were so inclined.

WTF Album Covers: Justin Bieber and Trick Daddy

OK, technically it didn’t START with Dylan, but it’s as good a jumping off point as any. So with that disclaimer in mind…it starts with Bob Dylan, who doesn’t take a bad cover photo…

But sadly, did not END there. From more or less acceptable to…high school yearbook?

And, sadly, the phrase “me too” is never far from a singer’s mind.

Some choose to take the cover portrait to new levels of awfulness, but at least there are some laughs to be had. Behold the grimacing, hideous disembodied head of Trick Daddy, available for hire to appear at Halloween parties and Bar Mitzvahs everywhere…but never for the faint of heart.

When will it end? Hopefully, never. We NEED these buffoons, we truly do.

WTF Album Covers Kids’ Corner

For some reason, WTF album art gets SUPER, er, WTF-y, when it comes to albums for and about children. Special thanks to BizarreRecords.com for two of these gems which should terrify any and everyone.

Has this guy been arrested yet?

Let’s see if this concept is understood properly. An adult male who has never been married, or is active sexually is going to…teach your kids about sex. Or teach YOU how to teach them. Not only that, the adult male in question looks like a clueless berk who just got out of a minimum security prison for forging postage stamps.

It is NEVER safe to assume that an album cover with a puppet on it is a children’s record. It’s been said before and it’s getting repeated here; if half of the whole point of the ventriloquist act is to do tricks where it looks like the dummy is talking and not the human, WHY DO A RECORD? Never mind. Just revel in the delicious awfulness.

Has THIS guy been arrested yet?