by Joe Wallace

Normally, when I write up these bad album cover posts, I go into an extended rant about how silly the artwork is, or how goofy the clothing featured on the cover might be, perhaps taking time to savor a ridiculous facial gesture or some badly arranged hair styles.

However, when it comes to former Kansas singer Steve Walsh and his album Glossolalia, I can’t really do that. Instead, I’ll just have to settle for this:

I’ll gladly pay the sum of one million dollars in Monopoly money or its equivalent if someone can please explain to me exactly WTF is going on in this album cover. I am at a total loss to make hear or tail (heh) of it, and I am afraid to stare at it any longer–my brain might just turn into tapioca.

This album cover is so brain-rottingly dumb that I would have mistaken it for a Ted Nugent album if it weren’t for the Steve Walsh thing stamped on this–like he’s PROUD of it, or something. I think Walsh is a talented singer, but when it comes to picking the album art, maybe he should let a drunken sailor do it or something.

For the record, let me just state that I am NOT making fun of surrealism. I LIKE Dali. I LIKE M.C. Escher. I don’t think you have to “understand” art in order for it to be GOOD. But THIS crap? Um…well, I think there’s some kind of veiled Christian anti-evolution agenda going on here (Glossolalia means ‘speaking in tounges” and I think Talking Heads should sue on this basis alone–brand integrity has definitely been damaged.) But I’ll be damned if I can get past the hardy-har joke on poor old Darwin to find the deeper meaning (?) of any of this nonsense.

I really admire Steve Walsh for having the cajones to go through with this–NOBODY GETS IT, STEVE. This album is one of the all time greats. I love it. It’s number one in dumb and I wish I could find one so I could frame it. Really. I’d pay up to five bucks for it. Drop me a line in the comments section, cuz I am a HUGE fan of misguided crap like this.

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