Monthly Archives: January 2012

WTF Goes Beverly Hills 90210: Brian Austin Green’s Atrocious One Stop Carnival LP

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Sometime between Brian Austin Green’s turn on the horrifically dull Beverly Hills 90210 and the show’s cancellation, Green decided to go into a recording studio. He dropped his pants, squatted over a microphone, and pinched out the steaming atrocity you see before you.

“One Stop Carnival” is every bit as dull as 90210, but with the added wannabe pastiche of white boy hip hop thrown in for good measure. Green–or his record label minders–apparently thought that substituting “da” for “the” on every other song title would add some street cred to this flushable collection of me-too beats and lame-ass rhyming.

On the opening track, Green leaps into his Captain Lame-Ass act as hard as he can in the first 30 seconds, blurting out “Yeah man…she was fat, but I ain’t gonna tell my friends…” and “Hey, yo…HOWS IT GOIN’?”

One-record-wonder Green even has the gall to include a track critical of the music industry. That’s a sign of defiance in many cases (reference the Sex Pistols one and only full length studio record from the original glory days of UK punk) but for One Stop Carnival, it’s a definite sign of trouble akin to having your movie directed by Alan Smithee.

And while we’re examining this dead cockroach up close, how about that album cover? Green was clearly going for some kind of Henry Rollins/Ice-T scowl, but instead he comes across in dire need of some stewed prunes.

And yes, believe it or not, this actually did make it to vinyl–at least according to Discogs.com. It was mostly distributed on CD and poor unfortunates who feel an overpowering urge can download this on MP3, but a “sampler” LP was put out as a promo of some kind back in ’96 when this stinking pile was dumped onto an unsuspecting public.

Morphine Cure For Pain Reissued by Light In The Attic Records

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“Do you have a spare $225? Neither do we, but that seems to be the average out-of-reach price for an original vinyl copy of Cure For Pain these days.” That blurb is part of the write-up by Light In The Attic Records about their new reissue of this classic Morphine vinyl album.

Light In the Attic has long been a Turntabling favorite, label-wise, as they’ve reissued some absolutely fabulous titles including Betty Davis, the Deep Throat soundtrack, Mercury Rev and soooo much more. Light In The Attic is our kind of record label.

And Morphine’s Cure For Pain is our kind of record. “Thursday” is the track most likely to be spun over and over again round here, but this album is full of classics and should not be missed. There are 30 second samples of all tracks on the record–head over to Light In The Attic and listen for yourself–if you’re inclined to enjoy these sounds we’re betting dollars to donuts you make a purchase soon thereafter–assuming you haven’t heard this one already.

Sadly, the Morphine frontman died–on stage, it should be noted–in 1999 and a huge talent left us twisting in the wind with his departure. He died with his boots on, as it were, and left behind five albums of material to wonder over. Have a look for yourself:



Third Man Records Rolling Record Store

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Earlier we posted about Third Man Records, the Nashville record store dedicated to artists on Jack White’s eclectic boutique label. Then it was brought to our attention that Jack White’s titles of high profile performing artist, record label mogul and record shop owner must now also include “innovator”. Take a look at this trailer for the Third Man Records Rolling Record Store, which makes Turntabling green with envy:


And if that’s not enough, get a look at this other official Rolling Record Store clip from the road at SXSW 2011. We’re suitably impressed round here.

Jack White’s Record Store: Third Man Records, Nashville Tennessee

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When Vinyl Road Rage 4 pulled into Nashville, it wasn’t just to gawk at a music scene overwhelmed by southern hospitality. It was also to get a nice, close look at Third Man Records, the ultra-boutiquey record store owned by Jack White and basically the storefront for his label of the same name.

An out-of-towner will have a bit of difficulty locating Third Man Records, and the shop is in a vaguely (to an outsider, anyway) sketchy part of town–as are most wonderful subculture destinations. But the trip is definitely worth sorting out the directions for, even if you’re not a massive White Stripes fan.

From the moment you roll up on Third Man Records at 623 7th Avenue South, Nashville, it’s obvious that this record shop is different. It’s a very small, cozy space indeed, and as you can tell just from the outside, oozing with style.

In fact, it’s got as much style as a Mario Bava film, with the same attention to detail in every corner from the listening station record player to the short little hallway off to the side of the counter, lit only in red, leading to a private doorway where one assumes Jack White’s musical Wonkaland begins.

Third Man Records only sells music and merch by its artists, so this is the very definition of a boutique record shop. Limited edition 45s, hard-to-find vinyl by the 5,6,7,8s and all the Third Man roster you could want are here (and online at the official Third Man Records site).

The shop is friendly, but feels slightly crowded with more than three people in it…but even if you have to wait a bit to get your hands on some ultra-limited or just plain lustworthy Third Man vinyl, it’s well worth it. I spent quite a lot of time (comparatively) in Third Man just soaking up the atmosphere…if more record stores fussed over their approach like this, vinyl collecting would probably double just out of sheer enjoyment alone.

It’s obvious that Third Man and Jack White love vinyl. The respect they have for the medium is all over the shop. For me personally, the prize find was the 5,6,7,8s album, but major fans of The White Stripes like my friend Lisa Sumner over at the Rare Vinyl and Just Cool Records blog should consider a pilgrimage here–there’s much to take home! Sure, you could likely get all the same titles online, but seeing Third Man in person is definitely one to add to your to-do list.

–Joe Wallace

P.S. I regularly update the collection of bad, misguided and insane album covers on Facebook. “Like” the WTF Records page and see the latest awfulness.