Category Archives: editorial

Numark V7 Motorized Turntable Software Controller

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Numark V7Some people are attracted to the Numark V7 because of the direct-drive motorized turntable platter. High and low torque options? You got it. Serato suuport? Scratch LIVE libraries. Yes. Compatible with all DJ mixers, blah, blah blah. The thing that caught our eyes here is the ability to use this motorized turntable controller between two DJs with two laptop setups. You can create up to four virtual DJ decks with the V7.

I admit I’ve never done a DJ battle and have no personal use for the hand-off feature…but I know plenty of people who do. And then there are the crazy collaborative mutants who want to create their own riffs, samples, mashup insanity, you name it. Two people in a room, the back-n-forth between four decks with one controller. A case of beer, a burst of creativity and sleep deprivation all add up to serious mayhem potential. That’s on V7 shared between two DJs. Convenient and loaded with possibilities for the right sick minds who can think outside the DJ booth.

The Numark V7 handoff feature has so many other potential uses and abuses beyond the standard DJ set…get crazy with the cheese-whiz with the V7–and PLEASE be sure to send us the results of your sonic experiments using the Numark V7. Throbbing Gristle meets Erasure at King Tubby’s, anyone?

Specs include support for Mac and Windows, so cross platform types won’t be let down here.

WTF Bad Album Cover: Dan Nicoloff Everybody’s Pink Under The Skin

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WTF Bad Album Covers Dan Nicholoff

There are bad album covers…and then there are LP covers that make you want to penetrate your own skull with a claw hammer because they’re so mind-rottingly awful. There’s not much to day about this that you haven’t already been thinking to yourself. Dan Nicoloff’s Everybody’s Pink Under The Skin is a sort of lame-o take on Clive Barker’s Books of Blood quip; “Everyone is a book of blood. When we’re opened, we’re red.” But Barker, even in his most feverish moments, could never have envisioned something like this.

It’s art design so staggeringly lame that you KNOW someone got PAID to do it. Look at the malice aforethought going on here. This cover looks like a photograph that someone actually staged and lit properly for EFFECT. I shudder to think about the time and effort that went into this. And I sit here wondering if it’s actually something WORSE–a photorealism PAINTING of some kind that a human being actually LABORED OVER to get JUST RIGHT.

That’s a thought my poor brain can’t quite get behind. Continue reading WTF Bad Album Cover: Dan Nicoloff Everybody’s Pink Under The Skin →

WTF: The Bad Album Cover Odyssey Of Ted Nugent

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Alas, poor Ted. A post like this would be harder to write in good fun if he didn’t take himself so seriously or carry himself like a man utterly convinced that he’s right…about everything. But since he DOES give off that Rush Limbaugh-esque bouquet, he’s fair game. After all, who can look at THIS with a straight face?

WTF bad album covers Ted Nugent Little Miss Dangerous

The real question here is, who in this picture does the album title refer to? I’m voting for Ted. Could it get any more swishy with song titles like “Savage Danger“? I really truly think it could replace YMCA as “Song most likely to be sung by drunk, closeted people of all persuasions.” Maybe Ted’s secretly thinking Dan Savage Danger.

Dan’s got a great column, but I bet he’d be horrified to think Ted’s harboring a schoolgirl crush.

Don’t misunderstand me here, there’s nothing WRONG with swish. Speaking as a  Pet Shop Boys fan myself, my real issue is that Ted’s trying really hard to get us thinking about Playboy centerfolds…why all the effort? You don’t have to prove anything to us here, jungle boy.

And then there’s this…

WTF bad album covers Ted Nugent Motor City Mayhem

Oh, wow. This pretty much sums it all up, doesn’t it? A cowboy hat, a Madonna headset mic, and a half-enthused bikini girl showing the world that she really, really DID shave her armpits that day. No peach fuzz for Mister Ted.

bad Album covers Ted Nugent If You cant lick em

Now what exactly is going on here? We have a passed-out woman in red trunks, presumably overcome from the volume levels from Ted Nugent’s amplifiers. Or maybe she’s just had too many cheeseburgers and wants to sleep.

Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever

OK, you have to hand it to the Nuge here…he had the Metallica look long before THEY did. Except the expression on his face here says either that a cat has just poked its head up Ted’s rectum, or perhaps there’s a hunting arrow stabbing him somewhere equally inappropriate.

Ted Nugent Scream Dream

OK, I’ll admit it. If you HAVE to own a Ted Nugent album, this is probably the only one you need. It does have its moments, and he even approaches something that could be considered proto-speed metal with Violent Love. But the front cover isn’t the worst….the back is REALLY the stuff dreams are made of. If you have dreams of Ted putting the moves on you as a flamenco dancer, that is.

Ted Nugent Scream Dream back cover

OLE!

OK, all in good fun, right? We’re not suggesting you HATE Ted Nugent, and while he can make his fingers go up and down the fretboard of his guitar really fast, it’s clear he’s not quite as nimble in the art department.

Ted fans will no doubt post angry, hate-filled missives after reading all this nyuk-nyuk good fun, but I think Ted’s big enough to take it. Don’t get all peeved, now. But somebody ought to whisper in Ted’s ear that his most understated cover was probably the right idea all along.

Ted Nugent album cover

WTF: Steve Walsh Glossolalia

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WTF bad album covers steve walsh glossolalia

by Joe Wallace

Normally, when I write up these bad album cover posts, I go into an extended rant about how silly the artwork is, or how goofy the clothing featured on the cover might be, perhaps taking time to savor a ridiculous facial gesture or some badly arranged hair styles.

However, when it comes to former Kansas singer Steve Walsh and his album Glossolalia, I can’t really do that. Instead, I’ll just have to settle for this:

I’ll gladly pay the sum of one million dollars in Monopoly money or its equivalent if someone can please explain to me exactly WTF is going on in this album cover. I am at a total loss to make hear or tail (heh) of it, and I am afraid to stare at it any longer–my brain might just turn into tapioca.

This album cover is so brain-rottingly dumb that I would have mistaken it for a Ted Nugent album if it weren’t for the Steve Walsh thing stamped on this–like he’s PROUD of it, or something. I think Walsh is a talented singer, but when it comes to picking the album art, maybe he should let a drunken sailor do it or something.

For the record, let me just state that I am NOT making fun of surrealism. I LIKE Dali. I LIKE M.C. Escher. I don’t think you have to “understand” art in order for it to be GOOD. But THIS crap? Um…well, I think there’s some kind of veiled Christian anti-evolution agenda going on here (Glossolalia means ‘speaking in tounges” and I think Talking Heads should sue on this basis alone–brand integrity has definitely been damaged.) But I’ll be damned if I can get past the hardy-har joke on poor old Darwin to find the deeper meaning (?) of any of this nonsense.

I really admire Steve Walsh for having the cajones to go through with this–NOBODY GETS IT, STEVE. This album is one of the all time greats. I love it. It’s number one in dumb and I wish I could find one so I could frame it. Really. I’d pay up to five bucks for it. Drop me a line in the comments section, cuz I am a HUGE fan of misguided crap like this.

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