Rap once again snatches the bad album cover artwork spotlight away from Southern Gospel warblers, heavy metal lunkheads, and singer/songwriters. What a misguided pile of conceptual sludge this cover is! Let’s start with the idea that this guy’s rapper name is Big Bear. He’s surrounded by bears, but expects us to infer that he–the only non-bear in the photograph–is actually Big Bear. Ok. Thanks for that. It’s a stretch, but after about ten minutes of thinking about it, wee get it now. You aren’t ACTUALLY a bear that found itself in possession of a working set of vocal chords.

Gotcha.

What is up with the stupid crap everyone is WEARING in this photograph? Is Big Bear wearing an ASCOT? What gives?

I thought this whole hardcore rapper “livin’ the life” image campaign was about being seen to be working out in the gym, getting tats and riding around in a car with deliberately induced suspension problems, not wearing ASCOTS in PUBLIC. Maybe the ascot is making a comeback along with polyester flares and collars so large you could go hang gliding. Keep your fingers crossed.

But let’s not forget the herculean amount of effort that went into coming up with that album title. Hey guys, guess what? I quit my job, bought all this gear, and am taking the leap! I’m going to be a rapper FULL TIME! I even have an ALBUM OUT! What’s it called? This masterpiece of Swiftian wit and repartee? The name of my brand new masterpiece which I have invested my blood, sweat and tears into?

Doin Thangs.

Buy one now, kids–this genius is the da Vinci of the dance floor.