Alas, poor Ted. A post like this would be harder to write in good fun if he didn’t take himself so seriously or carry himself like a man utterly convinced that he’s right…about everything. But since he DOES give off that Rush Limbaugh-esque bouquet, he’s fair game. After all, who can look at THIS with a straight face?

The real question here is, who in this picture does the album title refer to? I’m voting for Ted. Could it get any more swishy with song titles like “Savage Danger“? I really truly think it could replace YMCA as “Song most likely to be sung by drunk, closeted people of all persuasions.” Maybe Ted’s secretly thinking Dan Savage Danger.

Dan’s got a great column, but I bet he’d be horrified to think Ted’s harboring a schoolgirl crush.

Don’t misunderstand me here, there’s nothing WRONG with swish. Speaking as a  Pet Shop Boys fan myself, my real issue is that Ted’s trying really hard to get us thinking about Playboy centerfolds…why all the effort? You don’t have to prove anything to us here, jungle boy.

And then there’s this…

Oh, wow. This pretty much sums it all up, doesn’t it? A cowboy hat, a Madonna headset mic, and a half-enthused bikini girl showing the world that she really, really DID shave her armpits that day. No peach fuzz for Mister Ted.

Now what exactly is going on here? We have a passed-out woman in red trunks, presumably overcome from the volume levels from Ted Nugent’s amplifiers. Or maybe she’s just had too many cheeseburgers and wants to sleep.

OK, you have to hand it to the Nuge here…he had the Metallica look long before THEY did. Except the expression on his face here says either that a cat has just poked its head up Ted’s rectum, or perhaps there’s a hunting arrow stabbing him somewhere equally inappropriate.

OK, I’ll admit it. If you HAVE to own a Ted Nugent album, this is probably the only one you need. It does have its moments, and he even approaches something that could be considered proto-speed metal with Violent Love. But the front cover isn’t the worst….the back is REALLY the stuff dreams are made of. If you have dreams of Ted putting the moves on you as a flamenco dancer, that is.

OLE!

OK, all in good fun, right? We’re not suggesting you HATE Ted Nugent, and while he can make his fingers go up and down the fretboard of his guitar really fast, it’s clear he’s not quite as nimble in the art department.

Ted fans will no doubt post angry, hate-filled missives after reading all this nyuk-nyuk good fun, but I think Ted’s big enough to take it. Don’t get all peeved, now. But somebody ought to whisper in Ted’s ear that his most understated cover was probably the right idea all along.