Tag Archives: bad album art

WTF: Steve Walsh Glossolalia

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WTF bad album covers steve walsh glossolalia

by Joe Wallace

Normally, when I write up these bad album cover posts, I go into an extended rant about how silly the artwork is, or how goofy the clothing featured on the cover might be, perhaps taking time to savor a ridiculous facial gesture or some badly arranged hair styles.

However, when it comes to former Kansas singer Steve Walsh and his album Glossolalia, I can’t really do that. Instead, I’ll just have to settle for this:

I’ll gladly pay the sum of one million dollars in Monopoly money or its equivalent if someone can please explain to me exactly WTF is going on in this album cover. I am at a total loss to make hear or tail (heh) of it, and I am afraid to stare at it any longer–my brain might just turn into tapioca.

This album cover is so brain-rottingly dumb that I would have mistaken it for a Ted Nugent album if it weren’t for the Steve Walsh thing stamped on this–like he’s PROUD of it, or something. I think Walsh is a talented singer, but when it comes to picking the album art, maybe he should let a drunken sailor do it or something.

For the record, let me just state that I am NOT making fun of surrealism. I LIKE Dali. I LIKE M.C. Escher. I don’t think you have to “understand” art in order for it to be GOOD. But THIS crap? Um…well, I think there’s some kind of veiled Christian anti-evolution agenda going on here (Glossolalia means ‘speaking in tounges” and I think Talking Heads should sue on this basis alone–brand integrity has definitely been damaged.) But I’ll be damned if I can get past the hardy-har joke on poor old Darwin to find the deeper meaning (?) of any of this nonsense.

I really admire Steve Walsh for having the cajones to go through with this–NOBODY GETS IT, STEVE. This album is one of the all time greats. I love it. It’s number one in dumb and I wish I could find one so I could frame it. Really. I’d pay up to five bucks for it. Drop me a line in the comments section, cuz I am a HUGE fan of misguided crap like this.

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WTF: Batman For Mature Audiences Only

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WTF Batman o Vamos a Gozar album cover

This bad album cover is brain-meltingly perverse in all the right ways. There’s no real commentary on this one, simply because…well, just LOOK at this! It’s a masterpiece of surrealism, OR it’s the dumbest piece of art designed to sell products ever.

The longer I stare at this, the funnier and more incomprehensible it gets. This is the El Topo of album covers. Continue reading WTF: Batman For Mature Audiences Only →

WTF: Roy Harper Wears the Emperor’s New Clothes

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WTF bad album covers Roy Harper Flashes from the Arichive of Obliviion

Bad album covers rule. Especially THIS one. We already know what’s going on here, but it’s the MESSAGE here that is the real head-scratcher. The artist seems to be saying, “Why yes, I AM a wanker. I’ve proved it with this here album cover.”

Now here’s the real mystery. Guess how much this album is selling for on Amazon. Just you TRY to guess. I don’t care if the guy DID do the vocals on Pink Floyd’s “Have a Cigar”, there’s no reason for the compact disc of this album to sell for $50. Is there? This album is standard folkie finger twiddling and caterwauling. It’s not Johnny Rotten’s secret outtakes from an unreleased collaboration with Joe Strummer we never knew about or anything.

And to hear this music while staring at this album cover makes the entire affair seem kinda sad. “Here’s me with no clothes on. And my music sounds about the same. Please like this record!”

Ahh well.

–Joe Wallace

WTF: Cher Take Me Home

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WTF bad album covers Cher Take Me Home LP

Cher…one of the OG one-name celebs. Surely this proto-Madonna would know better than to let something as ridiculous as this be foisted off on an unsuspecting public? This album cover is giving me a mental picture of “Flight of the Valkyries” happening in a trailer park.

Can you hear the conversation about this one? Chances are poor Cher wasn’t even consulted about this one, they just dreamed it up in some art department and showed it to her later.

“Yeah, Sal, I’m telling you…Wagner is big, baby. Real big. I think we should get Cher into one of those kooky viking getups. Something where you can see, you know, her boobs and stuff. Guys like boobies, right? Don’t they?”

“Hell, I don’t know, she’ll go for it. You can’t SEE anything really, it just looks like she’s some kinda Mad Max escapeee that wants to get it on.”

And folks, Take Me Home by Cher is still available for sale over at Amazon.com. It’s such a priceless artifact of musical history that they’re flogging it for under FOUR BUCKS, brand new.  But you wanna know something really scary? Somebody at Amazon is selling a double album version of this (along with the Cher Prisoner album) for over$75.

I think they’re going to be waiting a LOOOONG TIME for that one to sell. Call me crazy.

“Sal, come ON, I know the album’s called ‘Take Me Home’. The idea is that there’s this contradiction, see? You get one look at that scary headgear of hers and you don’t WANNA take her home. You wanna turn her loose on those motorcycle punks that have been revvin’ up at 3AM.”