by Joe Wallace

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not at all a fan of black metal, so maybe it’s completely unfair to poke fun at the Tsjuder album cover for Demonic Possession. After all, if you’re not a fan of this kind of music, it just seems a bit silly. The “ooh scary” makeup, the spiky leather armbands, the growling…if you aren’t caught up in any of this your first reaction is likely something to do with the notion that it might be time to leave Mom’s basement and try using some hair conditioner.

But is that really fair? Whatever…I’m a first impression sorta guy when it comes to WTF album covers.

So with that said, I could NOT STOP LAUGHING at the expression on this guy’s face when I spotted this album cover. Sorry, black metal fans, but the face paint doesn’t say anything to me except Circ du Soleil, and the scowling makes me think about eating more fiber. Coupled with yet another indecipherable scrawl for a band logo and we have a winner for this week’s “Album Cover Most Likely To Make You Laugh While Looking Over Your Shoulder For Angry Metal Dudes With Baseball Bats” contest.

Making fun of black metal band album covers is probably almost as dangerous as making fun of gangsta rap records like Mister Stinky’s Everything Dead. THAT clown actually made a sort-of halfhearted threat to shoot my little harmless ass after I wrote, “Fame, fortune, and all the summer sausage you can eat have all passed Mr. Stinky by…”

The reply I got to THAT post read, “Who ever wasted there time and life…. let me know where you are so I can put a bullet in your face!” Nice going, Stinky. Now the lawyers know where to find you.

Poking fun at the metal album covers hasn’t earned me any similar missives so far, but I did get a peeved message from an offended Yanni fan. Boy, oh boy, I just don’t know when to quit, do I?

I do wonder what day of the week it will wind up being when some face-painted angry King Diamond sorta guy shows up looking for some fisticuffs because I said something slightly negative about the idea that all these black metal face-paintey guys make me giggle like a Swedish schoolgirl.

So it’s getting shot by Mister Stinky or curb-stomped by some Scandinavian goat worshipper…hmmm. Which do I choose? Never mind, I’m gonna start making fun of Micronesian zither polka album covers next. Those dudes might come after me with a potato peeler or a pencil sharpener, but it won’t do any lasting injury.