Monthly Archives: June 2011

ION Audio Profile Flash Turntable

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Here’s another consumer-grade turntable you can use to convert vinyl to MP3 portability. The ION Audio Profile turntable has a slot for a USB or flash drive, and the entire process seems as simple as starting the turntable and hitting “record” to get the process moving.

The chief draw for the ION Audio Profile turntable is that you don’t need a computer to record the audio. I haven’t used one of these yet, but in doing my research on this unit I discovered several favorable reviews stating that the audio quality is good for the average user. Some complain about rotation speeds on this unit and others like it being different that “true” 33RPMs, but typical listeners won’t complain, based on what I’ve read.

My main complaint with all these vinyl-to-MP3 recorders is that a degree of babysitting is needed to make them work properly. There’s either no silence sensor to split an entire album side into separate tracks without user intervention, or what is there isn’t really accurate or even able to be calibrated. I’m naturally coming at this from a busy/lazy person’s perspective–most users probably don’t mind the small amount of manual labor needed to break the recordings up into tracks.

All in all, I’ve seen this model get mostly favorable reviews and I’m contemplating a purchase of this simply because it’s got the computer-free recording feature. The built-in preamp lets you connect to most RCA stereo line/aux inputs, and it’s got a handy 1/8in stereo line in for recording from other sources–a nice touch.

What I’m most interested in is a hands-on, top-to-bottom review of this unit and others like it from a hard core vinyl junkie (not necessarily an AUDIOPHILE, mind you). If that’s you and you want to contribute a review of this or any other model turntable, please get in touch as I’d love to have some guest blog posts or even regular contributions from passionate vinyl lovers.

Drop me an e-mail at jwallace (at) turntabling (dot) net.

–Joe Wallace

WTF Album Covers: Christmas At The Devil’s House

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by Joe Wallace

Let’s start with the obvious. This may look, feel, and SMELL like a Creed record, but it’s not. Wait–you mean the guy on the left ISN’T a cartoon rendition of that whiny lead singer with a pair of horns on?

Oh, sorry then.

But if you actually heard this record, you’d SWEAR it was Creed–it’s every bit as wretched and filled with half-baked, warmed over doofus-shite. Some might argue that it’s not a fair comparison to put Creed side by side with Christmas At The Devil’s House, but lest we forget, Creed was responsible for bringing generic guitar twaddle with what sounds like Eddie Vedder’s untalented half-brother at the mic.

And they had a right-wing “family values” type songwriting agenda which makes all their lyrics as suspect as John Travolta’s motives for making “Battlefield Earth”. Whenever you hear “I love you,” lead singer boy is probably talking about Mister God. Yuck.

Christmas At The Devil’s House is every bit as uninspired–it’s that “Let’s play classical music with metal guitar noises” crap that makes people vomit uncontrollably after exactly ten seconds.

The album cover itself is merely goofy–but it promises something the record itself won’t deliver. WHERE ARE THE SATAN-THEMED CHRISTMAS SONGS? It’s almost July at the time of this writing, which means Christmas in July sales and other nonsense to do with Santa wearing a bathing suit.

But there’s no real presence of Satan on this album unless you think a metaloid cover of “Greensleeves” is a secret message from The Dark Overlord commanding us to slaughter our neighbors and make love to the parrot.

This album wouldn’t really make it into the Turntabling WTF gallery of crap record covers except for the fact that you really, really expect the record to have more Satan on it. Instead, you wind up feeling cruelly misled by the crude artwork. And maybe that’s the Devil’s trick; if you were dumb enough to PAY for this you got what you deserved?

WTF Album Covers: Star Wars Christmas

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by Joe Wallace

There are no words. Wait, yes there are.  Just LOOK at this damn thing, which I might add sells on Amazon new for nearly $200 in some third-party shops (!!!).

The cover of this nightmare is hilarious enough, but the backstory of this album is even better. First, take a look at the bottom where the text proudly announcing the “original cast” appearing on this holiday atrocity.

Hey kids! This record features the voice of C-3PO, Anthony Daniels, plus R2D2–who as we all know did all his own voice work and stunts. (I think R2D2 is now a Hollywood producer doing three feature length bondage fetish porn movies a year starring soap opera star lookalikes and retired standup comedians. “Holiday IN The Stars” was the name of his very first production.)

And then there’s the presence of a young teenager named Jon, who started out his career as a janitor, as the legend goes, at a New York recording studio where the Holiday In The Stars album was being recorded. Somebody at the studio put in a good word for the 18-year old cleanup guy, he wound up singing lead on one of the songs featured on this Star Wars holiday record, and just a short time later–so the story goes–the kid was cutting a demo.

That demo led Jon Bon Jovi to his first record deal in 1983.

So you have George Effing Lucas to blame for both Jon Bon Jovi AND Jar Jar Binks. Really, they’re one in the same if you ask me.

(P.S. If the Bon Jovi story is just another urban legend, don’t correct me–I don’t want to know. I like having George Lucas to blame for all those god-awful singles in the 80s from Slippery When Wet and other intellectually stunted albums.)