Category Archives: album

Bands: Trade Vinyl for Ad Space

trade vinyl for ad space(Photo copyright 2005, Joe-Wallace.com)

Turntabling is pleased to announce a new opportunity for bands pressing vinyl. We’re offering an exchange program that lets bands trade a small amount of merch for ad space on Turntabling, plus mentions in our Twitter and Facebook posts.

It’s a simple, straight trade–fifty dollars worth of band merch (albums and CDs) for a two-month 200 x 200 ad. You can run space for longer than two months where space is available (for an additional trade or a flat fee). Naturally, vinyl is preferred but CDs aren’t out of the question.

Obviously there’s one catch–if we’re not thrilled about the music, we can’t make the trade, but Turntabling has never been as much about genres as it is about a certain attitude, mood, or presentation.

We’re happy to accept similar offers from labels, so don’t hesitate to get in touch. Drop a line to orders (at) Turntabling (dot) net for more info.

WTF: Cher Take Me Home

WTF bad album covers Cher Take Me Home LP

Cher…one of the OG one-name celebs. Surely this proto-Madonna would know better than to let something as ridiculous as this be foisted off on an unsuspecting public? This album cover is giving me a mental picture of “Flight of the Valkyries” happening in a trailer park.

Can you hear the conversation about this one? Chances are poor Cher wasn’t even consulted about this one, they just dreamed it up in some art department and showed it to her later.

“Yeah, Sal, I’m telling you…Wagner is big, baby. Real big. I think we should get Cher into one of those kooky viking getups. Something where you can see, you know, her boobs and stuff. Guys like boobies, right? Don’t they?”

“Hell, I don’t know, she’ll go for it. You can’t SEE anything really, it just looks like she’s some kinda Mad Max escapeee that wants to get it on.”

And folks, Take Me Home by Cher is still available for sale over at Amazon.com. It’s such a priceless artifact of musical history that they’re flogging it for under FOUR BUCKS, brand new.  But you wanna know something really scary? Somebody at Amazon is selling a double album version of this (along with the Cher Prisoner album) for over$75.

I think they’re going to be waiting a LOOOONG TIME for that one to sell. Call me crazy.

“Sal, come ON, I know the album’s called ‘Take Me Home’. The idea is that there’s this contradiction, see? You get one look at that scary headgear of hers and you don’t WANNA take her home. You wanna turn her loose on those motorcycle punks that have been revvin’ up at 3AM.”

Einoma “Tvenna” Vinyl EP: Icelandic Electronica

einoma Tvenna EP vinyl
Icelandic electronica has always sounded wonderfully alien to me, and the Tvenna EP by Einoma is no exception. This is excellent stuff, a lovely cocktail of ambient, minimalist textures kept in line with beats that are just dancey enough to put you on the floor if you’ve had enough Viking Lager.

It’s wrong to use the “a” word to describe this record, though. The very word “ambient” leads some to imagine mindless, directionless keyboard noodling. Boredom on wax. Tvenna is NOT that, not by a long shot. Tvenna–like so much Icelandic electronica–has the same audio qualities of Iceland itself. There’s a chill in the air, the wind outside is howling across the lava fields, but the heater’s on and the alcohol is good.

That’s actually a bit of cliche when it comes to describing Reykjavik’s electronica scene, but so be it. I’m an outsider, and having lived two years in Iceland I truly believe just as California and Texas climates have unique effects on bands in those areas, Iceland’s midnight sun, sunless afternoons, and high winds definitely make their mark on records like Tvenna. So sue me.

Einoma is a duo–Bjami Þór Gunnarsson and Steindór Grétar Kristinsson, who have been recording in Iceland on a number of labels. This limited edition EP is a delicious slab of vinyl, and me personally, I’d love to get my hands on some of these trax individually (bass, drums, textures all separate)  for remix purposes.

If you’re into the dancey minimalist electronica sounds coming out of Iceland, Belgium and elsewhere far away from America, I strongly urge you to have a listen to Einoma. Currently, I’m doing a bit of “browser core” mashup fun with the samples at the official site–I’ve got two sample tracks playing over the top of one another, and it’s making for some unique brain-swelling the artists never intended. Try it, it’s fun!

WTF: Cartoon Disco

WTF Cartoon Disco

To be fair, the bad album art is really not the main event here, though if you were going to try to sell an LP full of already unlistenable crap repackaged as disco dancefloor hits, you’d probably want to show some people actively engaged in, oh, I don’t know, DISCO DANCING?

The cover photo for this looks like the woman just brushed off a drunken groper in some sleazy snack bar; if these two are supposed to be having a good time listening to a disco-fied “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” it’s impossible to tell. The grimace on her face alone says “bowel surgery” instead of “hot disco fun”.

Now to the realy question. WTF made ANYONE think an album of disco versions of The Woody Woodpecker song would actually SELL? “Hey guys, here’s a great one, let’s spend $70 grand reworking Popeye The Sailor Man into a Studio 54 staple.”

The group that recorded this musical death rattle? Disco Band. they thought so much of themselves that they took the first name that came out of the engineer’s mouth. “Hey, Charlie, what do we call ourselves on this piece of crap, anyway?”

For my money, the song to kill yourself to on this record would be Chim Chim Cheree, which I’ve hated since the first time I heard it as a child. But then again, I hated cartoons at an early, early age (single digits, folks) because–get this–they weren’t VIOLENT ENOUGH.

No wonder I hate THIS with such a passion. And I LIKE disco cheese. But the idea of listening to ten seconds of Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah for any reason at all gives me the makings of my very first seizure.

Cartoon Disco Back Cover WTF

-Joe Wallace