Category Archives: WTF?

WTF: Steve Walsh Glossolalia

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WTF bad album covers steve walsh glossolalia

by Joe Wallace

Normally, when I write up these bad album cover posts, I go into an extended rant about how silly the artwork is, or how goofy the clothing featured on the cover might be, perhaps taking time to savor a ridiculous facial gesture or some badly arranged hair styles.

However, when it comes to former Kansas singer Steve Walsh and his album Glossolalia, I can’t really do that. Instead, I’ll just have to settle for this:

I’ll gladly pay the sum of one million dollars in Monopoly money or its equivalent if someone can please explain to me exactly WTF is going on in this album cover. I am at a total loss to make hear or tail (heh) of it, and I am afraid to stare at it any longer–my brain might just turn into tapioca.

This album cover is so brain-rottingly dumb that I would have mistaken it for a Ted Nugent album if it weren’t for the Steve Walsh thing stamped on this–like he’s PROUD of it, or something. I think Walsh is a talented singer, but when it comes to picking the album art, maybe he should let a drunken sailor do it or something.

For the record, let me just state that I am NOT making fun of surrealism. I LIKE Dali. I LIKE M.C. Escher. I don’t think you have to “understand” art in order for it to be GOOD. But THIS crap? Um…well, I think there’s some kind of veiled Christian anti-evolution agenda going on here (Glossolalia means ‘speaking in tounges” and I think Talking Heads should sue on this basis alone–brand integrity has definitely been damaged.) But I’ll be damned if I can get past the hardy-har joke on poor old Darwin to find the deeper meaning (?) of any of this nonsense.

I really admire Steve Walsh for having the cajones to go through with this–NOBODY GETS IT, STEVE. This album is one of the all time greats. I love it. It’s number one in dumb and I wish I could find one so I could frame it. Really. I’d pay up to five bucks for it. Drop me a line in the comments section, cuz I am a HUGE fan of misguided crap like this.

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WTF: At Play With The Playmates

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WTF BAD ALBUM COVERS AT PLAY WITH THE PLAYMATES

I don’t want to know what the boys in THIS band were thinking when they approved this unfortunately candid shot for At Play With The Playmates. The facial expressions alone are priceless. Look at “Lucky Pierre” in the middle there, he’s clearly the only one enjoying himself here…take that however you please, but the guy in the rear has “new hernia” written all over his face, while the gent in the front seems to have a sort of Glenn Beck outrage going on, combined with a case of sudden nausea. “Did you just touch my buttocks?”

At Play With The Playmates? This album has a sort of sub-par Four Seasons vibe to it, and it quickly wears out its welcome unless you’re a fan of the genre–and I’m definitely not. I’ll pass on the adenoidal shrieking, thanks very much. This album cover is damn amusing though. Just what ARE The Playmates playing at? It look suspiciously as though they’re all trying to cop a cheap jolly off the vibrations of a poorly tuned up moped.

–Joe Wallace

WTF: Bad Metal Album Covers

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Metal bands seem to be particularly challenged when it comes to the cover art. It’s hard to find a truly GOOD album cover by a metal band. Some bands are so impressed with themselves for actually having the stick to finish the album that the artwork is pure afterthought…and it shows.

“Dude! We were so drunk when we made this record! How did we finish? I don’t know how we did it! Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!”

The first mistake the band Exciter made was naming themselves after a piece of studio equipment. There are two cliches that noob bands fall into–one is having a band photo of themselves with a brick wall in the background, the other is naming a song or the band itself after a piece of studio gear in a non-ironic or unintentionally amusing way. (The exception to this rule is keyboard references, for some reason, especially when it comes to Moogs.)

Depeche Mode is probably the most high profile band to make this painful gaffe..and strangely enough their mistake is the same as this band’s. Why would ANYONE call a song, album or entity, “Exciter”? It sounds like a 4th rate sex toy imported from Malaysia in a broken carton.

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Exhibit B–the name of this album is “Warmasters”. But instead of seeing an actual warmaster (whatever that is) what you GET is this dork who lives in his mom’s basement pretending that it’s Halloween for the 99th straight day in a row. Hey, bud, that scowl on your face does NOT disguise the fact that it takes you all day to get out of bed and that you’re completely out of breath by the time you’re done tuning your guitar. Warmaster? Try a THIGHMASTER.

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Witchfinder General? More like, Adam Ant. These guys aren’t “Friends of Hell”. They’re friends of SATIN. And taffeta.

There are far too many bad metal album covers to include in one post…this could go on all YEAR, this stuff is PRICELESS. I love these bands for having the balls to be so damn corny. Rock on, dudes. I wouldn’t listen to these albums for pleasure, but they’re an endless source of entertainment and America is a better place because of them. More, please.

WTF: Batman For Mature Audiences Only

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WTF Batman o Vamos a Gozar album cover

This bad album cover is brain-meltingly perverse in all the right ways. There’s no real commentary on this one, simply because…well, just LOOK at this! It’s a masterpiece of surrealism, OR it’s the dumbest piece of art designed to sell products ever.

The longer I stare at this, the funnier and more incomprehensible it gets. This is the El Topo of album covers. Continue reading WTF: Batman For Mature Audiences Only →