Category Archives: WTF?

Fail: Rolling Stone Smoking Section on Worst Album Covers Ever

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There was some excitement in the air at the discovery of Rolling Stone’s Smoking Section on Worst Album Covers Ever. But joy turned to annoyance when it was discovered that RS only had the wherewithal to post a single, vaguely cruddy (but not truly hideous) album cover by somebody called Mike Bones.

They couldn’t go the distance apparently, and even though there was a desperate five minute (ok, two-and-a-half minute) search to find more Worst Album Covers Ever pages in the Smoking Section, it was clear that some doofus intern had been turned loose on this project before getting canned for stealing Jann Wenner’s weed or putting his naughty bits in the executive drinking fountain.

Here’s the merely lame-o album cover Rolling Stone saw fit to brand as one of the worst album covers ever:

Mike Bones bad album coverThis cover looks a bit like some kind of Jonas Brothers backstage blackmail photo–the kind you mail to the victim with the idea that there’s more where that came from and ten times as naughty. “Tell the Brothers if they don’t pony up the dough, we send out those pictures of the lads stuffing their greased, drooping willies into the light socket.” Continue reading Fail: Rolling Stone Smoking Section on Worst Album Covers Ever →

WTF: The Sexual Gospel

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wtf bad album art jesus use me

There is no nice way to say this. Our latest entry in the WTF bad album cover artwork series has so much wrong with it that the LEAST of this record’s worries are the sexual connotations of the title, “Jesus Use Me.” I hear a gospel A&R rep scrambling to the phone to answer for this gaffe, sweating profusely and trying to make nice. “Honest, chief, they meant well, they really really did!”

Now you know where Steve Albini got the inspiration to call his post-Big Black group Shellac. Look at these hairdos! No wonder they named this record after their secret lusts–they were high on the fumes from ten gallons of hairspray and Bondo.

Creepier than the religio-sexual underpinnings? The MATCHING OUTFITS. When a band decides to GO UNIFORM, they usually do it in some kind of flashy Beatle-esque manner. Not these churchly chicas—they raided the thrift store Grandma section and begged their phtoographer to make them RITUALLY UNAPPEALING.

I am DYING to hear what this album sounds like, but I bet I already know–warbling, off-key three part harmonies and one singer with a perpetually stuffy nose. It would be cute if it weren’t so horrifying.

Sorry, folks, we don’t have this gem for sale…but if I ever find a copy, I will snap it up and put it on sale here instantly. Really.

WTF: The Ethel Merman Disco Album

Media, WTF?

ethel merman disco album

Before you ask: we DO NOT have this monstrosity for sale in the vinyl section. The best I can do is offer you this link to the CD version of the Ethel Merman Disco Album.  Some have listened to this–and you can hear a sample below–and claim that it’s proof that there is no God. Others, like me, believe this record is a prime example of the worst cocaine-Stoli-quaalude cocktail fueled excesses of the disco generation. Ethel Merman herself supposedly hated disco and word on the street is that she recorded her vocals separately from the rest of the album.

Merman–for those of you mercifully too young to remember, was famous for show tunes. “There’s No Business Like Show Business” and that sort of thing. The modern day equivalent would be, I suppose, Josh Groban doing a gangsta rap single. Equally hideous on all fronts.

Have a listen and decide for yourself if this is the most ill-advised thing since The Star Wars Holiday Special or if it’s just another minor blip on the radar of bad taste. Continue reading WTF: The Ethel Merman Disco Album →

WTF: Worst Album Cover Ever?

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worst album cover of all time

I’m not saying a DAMN thing about this album cover except to ask who hates this guy so much that they let him put this photo on the cover without so much as a “Are you SURE?”

I mean, REALLY. This is one of the most cringe-making images used to sell ANYTHING, ever. The name of this record is “I’m Here” but the artwork on this one makes you want to be anywhere BUT here. There have been countless armies of people with bad judgment putting their images on albums for decades, but none so ill-advised or poorly thought out.

It goes without saying that there wasn’t an art director on this…but I hope nobody let this one hit the shelves uncontested. Continue reading WTF: Worst Album Cover Ever? →