Tag Archives: bad albums

WTF Album Covers: Skillet and Leroy The Okra Eaters

WTF?, , , ,

Somehow I keep finding these “adults only” albums featuring poorly photographed humans from Earth in sexually compromising positions, making unfunny statements with cartoon speech bubbles. Ever since I found a Blowfly record in the dollar bin, these albums are now constantly turning up when I go vinyl shopping.

The most horrifying thing about this album cover apart from the nyuk-nyuk “lookit,we made a sex funny” vibe are the safari suit and the green checked pants. I want a pair to wear on stage now, thanks. When the alien archaeology teams land on this plant in a hundred years, they will find these records and wonder just who the the hell Sanford and Son were. Hell, some high school graduates are wondering that RIGHT NOW.

–Joe Wallace

Continue reading WTF Album Covers: Skillet and Leroy The Okra Eaters →

WTF Bad Album Covers Henry and Hazel Slaughter

WTF?, , ,

I discovered this atrocity on Cheezeball.net and I think I’m sending them my doctor’s bill. The nightmares I’ll have after seeing this truly bad album cover–once more in the name of Jesus–will be in 3D, technicolor and Smell-O-Rama. Never mind the rictus grin on Hazel Slaughter’s face–the one that says “I’d rather be standing trail for war crimes in the Hague right now.” Look at Henry Slaughter’s TIE.

That’s right, it’s an effing chain link FENCE necktie. Tell me this guy doesn’t look as though he has a 14-year old stashed in a secret black light basement someplace being fattened up to be served up in a pie, Hansel and Gretel-style. I’m sure in real life, he’s a real sweetie pie, but this photograph makes Henry and Hazel look like the Honeymoon Killers.

WTF Bad Album Covers: Static-X Start A War

WTF?, , , , , ,

Our very first WTF bad album cover since Vinyl Road Rage! Don’t worry, there are plenty more Vinyl Road Rage record store review posts coming, but this week we resume our normal posts, too…and WTF bad album covers are piling up all over the place faster than I can write them up and post them.

First I’d like to say that from a visual perspective, I think this band was much better when it was called Alice In Chains. Maybe they THINK they’re Alice In Chains, but one listen to the tracks off this album and you’ll be begging for Layne Staley to dig himself out of the ground and throttle these guys to death with his bare zombified hands.

This is yet another in a long parade of nu metal “mad faces” album covers, but honestly, the cover makes it look like the mad faces are due to the fact that the hair salon won’t take them as walk-in clients rather than some kind of teeno-angst mongering.

I couldn’t figure out what it was that made me think this Static-X album cover is so wretched until I realized that the mad face dude with his mouth open (catching flies, no doubt) makes this cover look an AWFUL LOT like that Devil’s Bris album by Voltaire.


Continue reading WTF Bad Album Covers: Static-X Start A War →

Bad Album Covers: Cattle Decapitation Humanure

WTF?, , ,

by Joe Wallace

Maybe it’s not fair to kick a band when its down. After all, Cattle Decapitation is cookie monster metal and at first glance there’s absolutely NO deep thought going on with songs like “Bukkake Tsunami“.  First impression? This is a band not reaaaallly putting a lot of time pondering artistry here from the get-go, so why pick on the poor schmucks for a tastelessy ridiculous album cover?

It’s sort of like yelling at the dog for wanting a bone. He’s just acting like a dog, the poor beast, he can’t help it, and neither can Cattle Decapitation. “Hey guys, let’s call this record Humanure! And on the record we can debate issues of moral relativism, industrial decay and its effects on the human spirit, and perhaps sing a few lines on the merits of boycotting Chilean sea bass. Awww, what the hell, let’s just do another record about poop-eating like we always do.”

Even as a doody joke, the album cover for this just…isn’t…cutting it. Maybe that’s because I keep trying to apply common sense rules about marketing music, album cover aesthetics and using the cover to sell the CONTENTS OF THE RECORD. That’s pretty pointless when dealing with a band writing songs like Cloacula: The Anthropophagic Copromantik. COPROMANTIK?

Who am I kidding with this one? It’s a locker room joke on a 12.5 inch piece of cardboard, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe it’s the cow ass that bugs me. Yeah, that’s it–a totally unnecessary bovine anus depiction right in your spotty little face. Yuck.

***UPDATE*** So on closer inspection, I have to admit that I was a bit unfair in the “No deep thoughts going on here” department–Cattle Decapitation actually do transcend the usual cookie monster rock metal nonsense to make a few social statements…these guys could be considered the cookie monster metal version of Tool  (without the heaping helping of Crowley). But that album cover is still grotty. Cow ass indeed! I modified this post slightly now that I see this band a bit more clearly. Continue reading Bad Album Covers: Cattle Decapitation Humanure →