Tag Archives: bad art

WTF #3: Millie Jackson Squeezes Out a Few Hits

Featured, WTF?, , , ,

wtf7

If there is a Hell, it’s reserved for the people who thought THIS ALBUM COVER was a GOOD IDEA.

Let me see if I understand this situation correctly. Millie Jackson, having quit her day job and staked her future on a singing career, looked at all her album cover options, and after due deliberation decided this photo of her on the crapper was THE BEST way to represent the recorded material.

How’d that singing career work out for ya, Millie?

On the other hand, maybe this album cover is the god’s honest truth; perhaps the album sounds like shit and this is just a rare instance of truthful packaging.

Just LOOK at that picture–this woman positively DWARFS that toilet. She must be linebacker-sized, and I shudder to think about the aftermath of this photo shoot. The expression on Millie Jackson’s face lets you know you’ll wear a similar grimace once the needle drops on this steaming turd of a record.

WTF #2: Religious Cougar Seeks New Prey

WTF?, , , ,

wtf-21

Sometimes I run across others on the web who collect wretched albums or, at the very least, the godawful art that disgraces the covers of those LPs. My newest find is LP Cover Lover, and my only gripe with this site is that you can’t listen to the awfulness, you can only look.

The amount of cluelessness on display with THIS particular album is staggering. Just look at that gravity-defying hair! In spite of the TWO bibles on display on this LP cover, I find Mattie McFerrin sending mixed messages. Is that some kind of backwoods “come hither” look she’s giving us here? And check out the threads on this Bible studyin’ throwback of love…she’s got her shirt partially unbuttoned in a wanton display of sexual abandon matched only by the vest, which has even MORE buttons unfastened…trying to lure young devotees to her study with her sexually charged musical gyrations, no doubt.

Keep a lamp shining bright, if only so Mattie McFerrin can do a slow, religious striptease for the flock…this Christly cougar is on the prowl!

WTF of the Week: Satan Is Real by The Louvin Brothers

Featured, WTF?, , , , , , , ,

wtf-inuagural-satan-is-real-album-cover
I saw this album cover and a whole new series of Turntabling posts was born. WTF is our brand new series of unbelievable album art…make that REALLY DUMB and ILL-ADVISED album art. Let’s kick off the inaugural edition of WTF with SATAN IS REAL.

With songs like Satan’s Jeweled Crown, The Drunkard’s Doom, and of course the title track Satan Is Real, you’d be well within your rights to guess that this album is by some brain-dead Swedish death metal outfit named Kronktor or Circus Satanicus. But one glance at the album cover shows a couple of mindless country preacher boys quite confused about whether this is supposed to be a southern gospel record or a gleeful, undies-twisting celebration of Our Dark Lord Lucifer.

Just LOOK at this silly shit. These guys appear to be WELCOMING YOU TO HELL instead of getting ready to deliver the corn-fed gospel to you dripping with barbecue sauce and near-beer. And do I interpret that album cover correctly? In the upper right hand corner it seems to read “Part 1”. Looks like these cornpone cuzzin-lovers were planning a series, Lucas-style. If they could get themselves out of Hell, that is. The album cover makes it look like the Louvins are there to stay.

Is it just me, or did this album–released in 1960–anticipate Matt Parker and Trey Stone’s Satan by, oh, FORTY YEARS?

Here’s the best part. You can STILL BUY THIS NONSENSE. It’s available as an MP3 download from Amazon.com, or if you MUST you can purchase a physical copy to keep under your pillow when you’re cowering under the covers, hoping the Elder Gods don’t come to gnaw off your forehead.

Oh, and by the way–rumor has it that the Louvin Brothers created that fire-n-brimstone set themselves and nearly burned up real good when the flames started going haywire. That’ll teach you southern gospel boys to mess with the Debbil’s tools.