Tag Archives: WTF album covers

WTF Album Covers: Bein’ Smarmy For Jesus

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Rednecks, inbreeders, peckerwoods, southern-friend jeezo-grovelers and mother-of-pearl button shirt wearing evangelist sweat machines abound, but few are as proud of their ignorance as some of THESE geniuses.

Sex…and the FEMALE? You’ve got to be kidding, right? The FEMALE? Is this guy studying Bonobo mating habits or is he talking about HUMAN FEMALES? The last time I heard anybody refer to a woman as “a female” it was right before he was about to try and make her into a meal for the happy cannibal family in some 70s slasher atrocity. This Jay Snell fellow as DAMAGE.

If the aliens spaceships made it all the way to Earth from wherever it is they’re from, if they see THIS jackass floating around in orbit around the planet, they’ll just set the deathrays to “incinerate/obliterate” and fire away without thinking twice. Look at that HAIR…we deserve to be oblivionized for tolerating this walking abomination on our Earth, and in our record stores. Did I mention that I own this?

I don’t care how much Jesus loves me, I’d never close my eyes around this guy. The look on his face in this particular image makes me think he either wants to EAT me or harvest my organs. Maybe he wants to make a pair of leather man-panties out of my flesh. Yeah, that’s the vibe I’m getting off this.

This album cover is merely lame instead of laugh-inducingly stupid, but come on, it’s Jimmy “I Have Sinned Against You” Swaggart. The man who routinely and repeatedly paid for hookers he wouldn’t even attempt to have sex with. Not only is that completely financially stupid, but…wait, it’s just plain stupid. This album would be funnier if it were DEAD From Nashville and Swaggart were made up as a zombie. But then again, he’s lived most of his life as one, so what’s the dif?

This collection of “humorous” gospel songs would be less frightening if Bob Larson didn’t look like he wants to rip off all my skin with a potato peeler and push me into a salt bath. For Jesus. The expression on his face says he’s either not getting enough fiber or getting far too much. It’s impossible to tell from this angle, but there is SOMETHING going on back there.

–Joe Wallace

WTF Album Covers: The Last of 2010

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We wrap up the 2010 WTF Album Cover collection with a cover so mind-rippingly ridiculous that I can’t actually think of anything to say that would be funnier than the cover itself. Behold:

It sounds like a bad joke, doesn’t it? A man named Quim takes off his clothes and puts out a record…yeah, this is a beauty. It’s NOT a Borat album cover, kids. This is a REAL RECORD some misguided oaf thought should hit the market looking JUST like this.

WTF Album Covers: Lordi Hardrock Hallelujah

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Before you say a DAMN THING, you have to burn this fact directly into your cerebral cortex and try to recover your sanity before proceeding: This band from Finland, Lordi, are the 2006 winners of the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST with this.

There’s nothing I can say that will make this picture any funnier. Just LOOK AT IT! If that isn’t quite enough for you, there’s always this video. Fear the reaper. Remember kids, you too can dress up like Cookie Monster death rockers with oatmeal face makeup and win the Eurovision Song Contest…as long as you gargle with gravel and orange juice first.

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WTF Album Covers Ludacris Chicken N Beer

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Some complain that a staggering majority of rap albums are insultingly stupid, repetitive, sexist, and that the genre is piled to the sky with “me too” copycats. But I defy ANYONE to find anything “me too” about a rap record with cannibalism front and center on the cover.

The way Ludacris is poised to devour that human leg on the cover of Chicken N Beer is worthy of any Romero film, and while the image alone escalates the WTF factor as high as it could possibly go, the fact that the album is called CHICKEN N Beer makes it that much more bewildering.

Shouldn’t it really be HUMAN FLESH N BEER instead? Damn, boys, put some more thought into these titles…don’t fool around now, give us the cannibal rap and stop teasing.

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