This edition of WTF Bad Album Covers is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Now that we have that formality out of the way… Continue reading Our First NSFW WTF Bad Album Cover
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WTF Bad Album Covers: Dolly Parton Bubbling Over
by Joe Wallace
If I saw the disembodied head of Dolly Parton floating in MY lawn sprinkler system, I wouldn’t know whether to shoot myself in the head or start screaming for an exorcist, but one thing’s for sure–I wouldn’t stand idly by waiting for the hideous jabbering head of Dolly Parton to start uttering blasphemies in Etruscan and summoning demons in the middle of the yard.
The most WTF part of this wretched album cover is the fact that–unless my eyes deceive me–that’s Dolly Parton standing at the back of this scene, watching her OWN HEAD floating on the sprinkler spray. How effed up is THAT? What is this cover saying about the mental state of the singer?
Seems to me that Dolly Parton’s dual personality crisis has manifested itself on this album–this cover is a cry for help. “Please save me from myself!” Dolly is shrieking. That’s not a smile on her face, that’s the rictus grin of someone who has either died recently or has been injected with a lethal dose of botox and rabies.
Or it’s the facial expression of someone who GETS that the cover art concepts sucks the root, but has been held hostage by the record company. “Dolly, if you don’t do this album cover JUST THE WAY WE SAY, we’ll electrocute a puppy. AND we’ll cut off your electrolysis treatments. Got it? You WANT hairy nipples? Go ahead, give us trouble.”
WTF Bad Album Covers: Monstrosity In Dark Purity
by Joe Wallace
Oh, sweet Jesus what do we have HERE? Scary, barely legible band logos indicated the presence of METAL.
Supported by the fact that a vaguely Rob Zombie-esque sinister entity appears on the cover of this mons-turd, and it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or his latter day doppleganger Doctor Who to figure out that a brain clearly damaged by hours of non-stop headbanging thought this Photoshopped atrocity would be a great way to sell records.
The name of this little gem really takes the cake. “In Dark Purity“?? Why not just call it “Little House On The Prairie With Satan” and get it over with?
With a title like that, these guys HAVE to be Cookie Monster metal. I’m not listening to this to find out–we’ll save that little chore for a teeno hesher who hasn’t heard enough bad music yet. I can only judge this book by its cover…
I won’t even LOOK at the song titles, which I am sure are early-period Metallica ripoffs. I bet you a dollar there’s an Eye of the Beholder-style title, some kind of Fade to Black reference, a song about falling into a pit of despair and at least one track that makes references to conquering, crushing, or sodomizing an angel.
Go look for me, willya?
WTF Bad Album Covers: Kenny Loggins Keep the Fire
by Joe Wallace
There are three basic things wrong with this album cover; the name Kenny Loggins, the feathered hair that somehow makes Kenny Loggins look like Jesus, and the candy-ass new age look of this overall. The very IDEA of Kenny Loggins is offensive enough, but to have him all jumped up to look like Shirley MacLaine’s guru or maybe that creepy high school substitute teacher in his loungewear? It’s enough to make your aura turn brown.
I can’t get over the fact that somebody went out of their way to get this autographed by Mister Footloose himself. “Hey Kenny, your album cover makes you look like a character from Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show. Can I have your autograph, Monsuier New Age? I’ve got a collection of famous wankers and you’re next on the list.”