Category Archives: album

Fail: Rolling Stone Smoking Section on Worst Album Covers Ever

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There was some excitement in the air at the discovery of Rolling Stone’s Smoking Section on Worst Album Covers Ever. But joy turned to annoyance when it was discovered that RS only had the wherewithal to post a single, vaguely cruddy (but not truly hideous) album cover by somebody called Mike Bones.

They couldn’t go the distance apparently, and even though there was a desperate five minute (ok, two-and-a-half minute) search to find more Worst Album Covers Ever pages in the Smoking Section, it was clear that some doofus intern had been turned loose on this project before getting canned for stealing Jann Wenner’s weed or putting his naughty bits in the executive drinking fountain.

Here’s the merely lame-o album cover Rolling Stone saw fit to brand as one of the worst album covers ever:

Mike Bones bad album coverThis cover looks a bit like some kind of Jonas Brothers backstage blackmail photo–the kind you mail to the victim with the idea that there’s more where that came from and ten times as naughty. “Tell the Brothers if they don’t pony up the dough, we send out those pictures of the lads stuffing their greased, drooping willies into the light socket.” Continue reading Fail: Rolling Stone Smoking Section on Worst Album Covers Ever →

Peter Hook Spills the Beans on Hacienda, Acid House

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peter hook bbc photoOctober 5th is the day Hooky fans and Manchester sounds lovers alike get a treat. According to a blog post at Junk, Hooky’s new book Hacienda: How Not To Run A Club debuts 10/5 along with an accompanying CD called Hacienda Acid House Classics.

Both releases are pretty exciting for old-school vinyl lovers who still own their original FAC series New Order 12-inch singles and yearn for the glory days of club mismanagement, free-flowing adult refreshment, and non-stop hugs.

Hooky’s been quite the unpredictable sort–in the 90s it didn’t look like he was doing much (even though the album covers for his Revenge side project made for slightly steamy viewing.) but since the days of Pineapple Face Hooky has done Monaco, Man Ray and countless DJ gigs all over the planet.

Presumably, the Hacienda book is a tell-all, and now that Tony Wilson and Rob Gretton are both sadly passed away, Hook is free to dish, but I expect it will be tasteful but likely a tad bitter.

Hacienda: How Not To Run A Club is listed on Amazon.com but it’s not even available for pre-0rder at press time, but as October 5 creeps closer and closer, chances are that will change. Keep checking–we will, too. You CAN pre-order the double-disc set mentioned above, Hacienda Acid House Classics. No word on whether a vinyl version will come out in October or not, but here’s hoping.

Hacienda Acid House Classics

WTF: The Sexual Gospel

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wtf bad album art jesus use me

There is no nice way to say this. Our latest entry in the WTF bad album cover artwork series has so much wrong with it that the LEAST of this record’s worries are the sexual connotations of the title, “Jesus Use Me.” I hear a gospel A&R rep scrambling to the phone to answer for this gaffe, sweating profusely and trying to make nice. “Honest, chief, they meant well, they really really did!”

Now you know where Steve Albini got the inspiration to call his post-Big Black group Shellac. Look at these hairdos! No wonder they named this record after their secret lusts–they were high on the fumes from ten gallons of hairspray and Bondo.

Creepier than the religio-sexual underpinnings? The MATCHING OUTFITS. When a band decides to GO UNIFORM, they usually do it in some kind of flashy Beatle-esque manner. Not these churchly chicas—they raided the thrift store Grandma section and begged their phtoographer to make them RITUALLY UNAPPEALING.

I am DYING to hear what this album sounds like, but I bet I already know–warbling, off-key three part harmonies and one singer with a perpetually stuffy nose. It would be cute if it weren’t so horrifying.

Sorry, folks, we don’t have this gem for sale…but if I ever find a copy, I will snap it up and put it on sale here instantly. Really.

WTF: The Ethel Merman Disco Album

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ethel merman disco album

Before you ask: we DO NOT have this monstrosity for sale in the vinyl section. The best I can do is offer you this link to the CD version of the Ethel Merman Disco Album.  Some have listened to this–and you can hear a sample below–and claim that it’s proof that there is no God. Others, like me, believe this record is a prime example of the worst cocaine-Stoli-quaalude cocktail fueled excesses of the disco generation. Ethel Merman herself supposedly hated disco and word on the street is that she recorded her vocals separately from the rest of the album.

Merman–for those of you mercifully too young to remember, was famous for show tunes. “There’s No Business Like Show Business” and that sort of thing. The modern day equivalent would be, I suppose, Josh Groban doing a gangsta rap single. Equally hideous on all fronts.

Have a listen and decide for yourself if this is the most ill-advised thing since The Star Wars Holiday Special or if it’s just another minor blip on the radar of bad taste. Continue reading WTF: The Ethel Merman Disco Album →