Category Archives: WTF?

WTF Returns: Lennon and Ono’s Junk

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According to the John Lennon site Absolute Elsewhere, John Lennon himself referred to this album photo for Two Virgins as featuring two “flabby junkies”. The utter madness of releasing this album cover in 1968 can’t be underestimated.

It’s not as it is today with several decades of naked people on album sleeves and music videos behind us. John Lennon’s flaccid, wilty junk swaying back and forth in the squalor of his apartment wasn’t considered in poor taste, it was actually branded as pornography!

What possessed Ono and Lennon to put their naked naughty bits on Two Virgins is beyond me, but Absolute Elsewhere speculates that Lennon might have been a closet exhibitionist. No matter.

What matters to you is that your eyeballs have been permanently seared with the vision of Lennon and Ono proudly displaying pubic shrubbery so massive by today’s standards that endangered bald eagles could build a nest there.


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WTF: Denmark Vs. Sweden

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Crap album art isn’t always about the thing itself. Sometimes a merely nauseating album cover can reach dizzying new lows when compared side-by-side to equally barf inducing artwork. Submitted for your approval, all the way from Denmark–the cover of Laid Back’s Keep Smiling album. This isn’t the most rotten thing ever made, but let’s call this artwork…uninspired:

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Now compare it to the utterly goofy and craptacular cover for this Swedish nonsense– Kjell Kraghe’s Vind I Seglen. This album cover takes the seafaring them to a similarly fucktarded new low. We’re faced with a serious chicken-and-egg question here. Which wretched cover came first? Was this some kind of harmonic convergence of dumbass graphic design? Or was somebody thinking, “No way is that OTHER windmill-and-wooden-shoes country going to show US up in the dumbass graphics department!”

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This album cover reminds me of Beavis and Butthead episode where Butthead delivers a stunning critique of a bad 90s music video by merely uttering the phrase, “Look at his FACE!” That’s all we really need to say here, isn’t it? Except those two sails placed so perfectly in symmetry next to this hambone Ricky Schroeder lookalike makes it appear this guy has some kind of freakish protruberances connected to that suit of his. 

So perhaps these are both, on their own,  merely lame-o record covers. But viewed side by side they give me the horrors. We know Sweden and Denmark are capable of better than this…but then again, we haven’t even started looking at the bad death metal album covers from these two countries. Just you wait, this stuff looks tame (well, it IS tame) by comparison.

WTF: Porter Wagoner’s The Bottom of the Bottle

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Porter Wagoner may have been one of the legends of country music, but the dudes who approved the artwork for his records were clearly smoking Jimson weed for this one. Just WTF is going on with this picture, anyway?

Wagoner looks like he’s contemplating drinking this rotgut in spite of the fact that there’s a little man inside. “Hey Porter, over here! Look, you don’t wanna drink this. I just wee’d inside this bottle and it smells like a homeless shelter. Fer chrissakes, Porter…DON’T DRINK MEEEEEEEEE!”

The expression on Porter Wagoner’s face is priceless. It’s a cross between “Goddamn, I really want to tie one on here,” and “I wonder if free will is an artificial construct of the human mind or if it’s a crucial part of what makes our all-too-brief existence what it is?”

Or perhaps it’s kidney stones.

WTF: From Jesus to Satan

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Imagine the conversation that went on at the record company about THIS one:

“Gladys, get me King Diamond on the phone.”

“Heyyyyy! King baby, it’s Mel down at the record company. Listen, baby, we didn’t sell enough copies of that last record you did and we need a favor. Holiday albums ALWAYS bring in a few bucks, so why don’t you come on down and give us something for Christmas, what d’ya say Kingie old sweetheart?”

“Whaddya MEAN you don’t celebrate CHRISTMAS? King, baby, I know how you feel, I’m JEWISH for cryin’ out loud. You think I wanna have anything to do with this goyim crap? Now come on, we all want a nice holiday bonus this year, right baby? Get your sweet self down here and take a nice picture for the album cover, ok? Yeah, yeah, yeah, hail Satan–I don’t care what you do at home, Kingie. Just come on over and let’s both make bank this year.”

“Thanks King, you’re beautiful, baby!”