Category Archives: WTF?

WTF Bad Album Covers: Conway Twitty Wants Your Sweet Ass

WTF?, , ,

Looking at this, it is PAINFULLY obvious that I’ve been picking on the gangta rap and heavy metal genres far too much. I might actually owe Mister Stinky an apology after seeing this winner by Conway Twitty. I nearly typed Conway TWITTER just now, which is a sign of some kind of horrific impending brain malfunction/meltdown, I am sure.

There’s so much wrong going on here that you don’t know which way to run. How much coke do you have to be on to look at this and say, “Yep, that’s MY RECORD and that’s EXACTLY how I wanna look.” Just LOOK at it–this cover makes Conway Twitty look like that creep who backs you into a corner at parties, smelling of Coors and stale cigarettes, asking you when the last time you were with a REAL MAANNN.

And let’s not overlook the title. Say it to yourself out loud to discover just how creepy it sounds to hear “I’ve alllready looooved you..in mah minnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

Yeah, Conway, I’m sure of that. But did I squeal like a pig when it happened?

Vogue Picture Records 1946-1947

Media, singles, WTF?, , , ,

I discovered a fascinating blog post at COLOURlovers (a craft blog, not a vinyl blog) called Unusually Colored Vinyl Records. It featured a variety of impressive colored vinyl productions including the Man Or Astroman release, “Your Weight On The Moon” on  glow-in-the-dark vinyl pictured above. But the REAL treasure in this blog post was the mention of some seriously vintage post-war vinyl produced in Detroit by a company called Sav-Way Industries.

The Vogue Picture Discs are amazing for their detail and the instant visual reference to the  post war era when they were made (1946-1947) but the real stunner for me was the visual theme of the Marion Mann track, “You Took Advantage of Me”.

Decades before The Tubes put out Mondo Bondage, here’s a very racy post-war vinyl record implying all sorts of naughty things with this picture. There are some 74 Vogue Picture Record titles in this collection, which you can view more of at the University of California Santa Barbara, but none of them are quite as provocative as this one.

Sure, it COULD be argued that this was an innocent depiction of the song’s theme, but lest we forget, post-war culture in the 40s was filled with double entendres created to titillate and amuse while maintaining “plausible deniability” in a so-called respectable society. Mondo bondage indeed!

–Joe Wallace

Bad Album Covers: Cattle Decapitation Humanure

WTF?, , ,

by Joe Wallace

Maybe it’s not fair to kick a band when its down. After all, Cattle Decapitation is cookie monster metal and at first glance there’s absolutely NO deep thought going on with songs like “Bukkake Tsunami“.  First impression? This is a band not reaaaallly putting a lot of time pondering artistry here from the get-go, so why pick on the poor schmucks for a tastelessy ridiculous album cover?

It’s sort of like yelling at the dog for wanting a bone. He’s just acting like a dog, the poor beast, he can’t help it, and neither can Cattle Decapitation. “Hey guys, let’s call this record Humanure! And on the record we can debate issues of moral relativism, industrial decay and its effects on the human spirit, and perhaps sing a few lines on the merits of boycotting Chilean sea bass. Awww, what the hell, let’s just do another record about poop-eating like we always do.”

Even as a doody joke, the album cover for this just…isn’t…cutting it. Maybe that’s because I keep trying to apply common sense rules about marketing music, album cover aesthetics and using the cover to sell the CONTENTS OF THE RECORD. That’s pretty pointless when dealing with a band writing songs like Cloacula: The Anthropophagic Copromantik. COPROMANTIK?

Who am I kidding with this one? It’s a locker room joke on a 12.5 inch piece of cardboard, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe it’s the cow ass that bugs me. Yeah, that’s it–a totally unnecessary bovine anus depiction right in your spotty little face. Yuck.

***UPDATE*** So on closer inspection, I have to admit that I was a bit unfair in the “No deep thoughts going on here” department–Cattle Decapitation actually do transcend the usual cookie monster rock metal nonsense to make a few social statements…these guys could be considered the cookie monster metal version of Tool  (without the heaping helping of Crowley). But that album cover is still grotty. Cow ass indeed! I modified this post slightly now that I see this band a bit more clearly. Continue reading Bad Album Covers: Cattle Decapitation Humanure →

WTF Album Covers: Geraldine and Ricky

WTF?, , , , ,

WTF album covers puppets

Seriously, what is with the born-again Christians and the puppets? I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less than spend 45 minutes with my hand up a puppet’s ass talking out of the side of my mouth like a third-rate George Raft. And don’t try to tell me this crap is aimed at KIDS–track two on side two is titled “The Liquor Store”. That’s where I’d be spending the meager proceeds from this vinyl abomination if I had ANYTHING to do with it.

Geraldine And Ricky back cover

You might wonder why I vent my bile on ventriloquists on vinyl with such…passion, until you remember that very NATURE of the ventriloquist act is that you’re supposed to SEE THE DUMMY TALK apparently ON ITS OWN. Like MAGIC. Put these people on a record and the whole point of the ventriloquist act is…well yeah, you get it now.

Like so many other things associated with right wing evangelical Christianity, this makes absolutely ZERO SENSE.

OK, I feel better now.

–Joe Wallace