Category Archives: WTF?

WTF Album Covers: Swinging Singles In the Enchanted Forest?

Double entendres are one thing (or would that be TWO things?). Unintentional kink is quite another–it’s much more amusing when you know this guy did NOT want us to think about a bunch of naked guys playing spin the bottle in an enchanted forest.

Yet, for some STRANGE reason that cannot be understood without the aid of special scientific apparatus, that is EXACTLY the picture I get in my head when looking at this album cover by Dennis Faron. Drop trou, oil it down, and GET FREAKY!


–Joe Wallace

WTF Album Covers: Christmas At The Devil’s House

by Joe Wallace

Let’s start with the obvious. This may look, feel, and SMELL like a Creed record, but it’s not. Wait–you mean the guy on the left ISN’T a cartoon rendition of that whiny lead singer with a pair of horns on?

Oh, sorry then.

But if you actually heard this record, you’d SWEAR it was Creed–it’s every bit as wretched and filled with half-baked, warmed over doofus-shite. Some might argue that it’s not a fair comparison to put Creed side by side with Christmas At The Devil’s House, but lest we forget, Creed was responsible for bringing generic guitar twaddle with what sounds like Eddie Vedder’s untalented half-brother at the mic.

And they had a right-wing “family values” type songwriting agenda which makes all their lyrics as suspect as John Travolta’s motives for making “Battlefield Earth”. Whenever you hear “I love you,” lead singer boy is probably talking about Mister God. Yuck.

Christmas At The Devil’s House is every bit as uninspired–it’s that “Let’s play classical music with metal guitar noises” crap that makes people vomit uncontrollably after exactly ten seconds.

The album cover itself is merely goofy–but it promises something the record itself won’t deliver. WHERE ARE THE SATAN-THEMED CHRISTMAS SONGS? It’s almost July at the time of this writing, which means Christmas in July sales and other nonsense to do with Santa wearing a bathing suit.

But there’s no real presence of Satan on this album unless you think a metaloid cover of “Greensleeves” is a secret message from The Dark Overlord commanding us to slaughter our neighbors and make love to the parrot.

This album wouldn’t really make it into the Turntabling WTF gallery of crap record covers except for the fact that you really, really expect the record to have more Satan on it. Instead, you wind up feeling cruelly misled by the crude artwork. And maybe that’s the Devil’s trick; if you were dumb enough to PAY for this you got what you deserved?

WTF Album Covers: Star Wars Christmas

by Joe Wallace

There are no words. Wait, yes there are.  Just LOOK at this damn thing, which I might add sells on Amazon new for nearly $200 in some third-party shops (!!!).

The cover of this nightmare is hilarious enough, but the backstory of this album is even better. First, take a look at the bottom where the text proudly announcing the “original cast” appearing on this holiday atrocity.

Hey kids! This record features the voice of C-3PO, Anthony Daniels, plus R2D2–who as we all know did all his own voice work and stunts. (I think R2D2 is now a Hollywood producer doing three feature length bondage fetish porn movies a year starring soap opera star lookalikes and retired standup comedians. “Holiday IN The Stars” was the name of his very first production.)

And then there’s the presence of a young teenager named Jon, who started out his career as a janitor, as the legend goes, at a New York recording studio where the Holiday In The Stars album was being recorded. Somebody at the studio put in a good word for the 18-year old cleanup guy, he wound up singing lead on one of the songs featured on this Star Wars holiday record, and just a short time later–so the story goes–the kid was cutting a demo.

That demo led Jon Bon Jovi to his first record deal in 1983.

So you have George Effing Lucas to blame for both Jon Bon Jovi AND Jar Jar Binks. Really, they’re one in the same if you ask me.

(P.S. If the Bon Jovi story is just another urban legend, don’t correct me–I don’t want to know. I like having George Lucas to blame for all those god-awful singles in the 80s from Slippery When Wet and other intellectually stunted albums.)