Category Archives: editorial

WTF Goes Beverly Hills 90210: Brian Austin Green’s Atrocious One Stop Carnival LP

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Sometime between Brian Austin Green’s turn on the horrifically dull Beverly Hills 90210 and the show’s cancellation, Green decided to go into a recording studio. He dropped his pants, squatted over a microphone, and pinched out the steaming atrocity you see before you.

“One Stop Carnival” is every bit as dull as 90210, but with the added wannabe pastiche of white boy hip hop thrown in for good measure. Green–or his record label minders–apparently thought that substituting “da” for “the” on every other song title would add some street cred to this flushable collection of me-too beats and lame-ass rhyming.

On the opening track, Green leaps into his Captain Lame-Ass act as hard as he can in the first 30 seconds, blurting out “Yeah man…she was fat, but I ain’t gonna tell my friends…” and “Hey, yo…HOWS IT GOIN’?”

One-record-wonder Green even has the gall to include a track critical of the music industry. That’s a sign of defiance in many cases (reference the Sex Pistols one and only full length studio record from the original glory days of UK punk) but for One Stop Carnival, it’s a definite sign of trouble akin to having your movie directed by Alan Smithee.

And while we’re examining this dead cockroach up close, how about that album cover? Green was clearly going for some kind of Henry Rollins/Ice-T scowl, but instead he comes across in dire need of some stewed prunes.

And yes, believe it or not, this actually did make it to vinyl–at least according to Discogs.com. It was mostly distributed on CD and poor unfortunates who feel an overpowering urge can download this on MP3, but a “sampler” LP was put out as a promo of some kind back in ’96 when this stinking pile was dumped onto an unsuspecting public.

Morphine Cure For Pain Reissued by Light In The Attic Records

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“Do you have a spare $225? Neither do we, but that seems to be the average out-of-reach price for an original vinyl copy of Cure For Pain these days.” That blurb is part of the write-up by Light In The Attic Records about their new reissue of this classic Morphine vinyl album.

Light In the Attic has long been a Turntabling favorite, label-wise, as they’ve reissued some absolutely fabulous titles including Betty Davis, the Deep Throat soundtrack, Mercury Rev and soooo much more. Light In The Attic is our kind of record label.

And Morphine’s Cure For Pain is our kind of record. “Thursday” is the track most likely to be spun over and over again round here, but this album is full of classics and should not be missed. There are 30 second samples of all tracks on the record–head over to Light In The Attic and listen for yourself–if you’re inclined to enjoy these sounds we’re betting dollars to donuts you make a purchase soon thereafter–assuming you haven’t heard this one already.

Sadly, the Morphine frontman died–on stage, it should be noted–in 1999 and a huge talent left us twisting in the wind with his departure. He died with his boots on, as it were, and left behind five albums of material to wonder over. Have a look for yourself:



WTF Album Covers: Not Even Gustav Holst Is Safe

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The Planets by Holst gets a cheeseball marketing spin, cooked up by someone who clearly believed that if you just put a sci-fi theme and plenty of cleavage on the album cover, stupid kids will buy it thinking maybe it’s some kind of new wave record or science fiction LP.

Can’t you just hear the board room conversation around this one? “Hey, dead guys don’t get paid royalties, right? These kids today love spaceships, right? Let’s CASH IN!”

And doesn’t the hero in this picture look like someone out of Wall Of Voodoo? I wonder what Sir Adrian thought when he saw this little beauty come out with HIS NAME ON IT.

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Vinyl Records For Sale From The Turntabling Collection: Halloween II, Plan 9 From Outer Space, Blue Sunshine by The Glove

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The Turntabling Collection is a large, ever-growing vinyl collection curated by Turntabling. Portions of the collection go on sale to fund Turntabling.net and the Vinyl Road Rage trips that are well documented here. If you buy anything from The Turntabling Collection, you’re doing more than just filling a hole in your record collection; you’re also contributing to the site, helping us stay alive and online. Thank you!

And if you happen across this post to find these albums already sold out, please have a look at the Turntabling Collection for sale via Discogs.com. There are also select titles from the Turntabling Collection via the Turntabling Etsy shop.

The latest for-sale additions to The Turntabling Collection include the following must-have vinyl LPs:

Halloween II Soundtrack LP by John Carpenter

John Carpenter’s sequel to the original creepy classic is every bit as good, but in totally different ways. This soundtrack LP is highly sought after and with good reason–Carpenter couldn’t really go wrong at this stage in the game.

If you haven’t seen the movie in a while, have another look. Donald Pleasence is fantastic as the obsessed Dr. Loomis, and he really winds up giving the business to The Shape at the end–one of the most memorable takedowns in horror movie history.

 

Plan 9 From Outer Space Soundtrack Vinyl LP

How FUN is this record? For some Ed Wood fiends, you’ve got an instant party when you drop the needle. But the album sounds are only part of the fun. The packaging for this includes Bela Lugosi glowering at you from one side of the record, and Tor Johnson grimacing from the other.

So yes, this record is suitable for framing. As much as the idea makes some collectors cringe, it’s certain there ARE people out there who would rather display the Plan 9 From Outer Space soundtrack album on the wall instead of taking it for a spin on the turntable.

It’s hard to blame them when you see Lugosi’s face on the record, it really is…

 

The Glove Blue Sunshine Vinyl LP (SEALED)

It’s probably rare enough that you’d find a copy of this in decent condition to begin with, to find a SEALED copy of Blue Sunshine by The Glove is pretty amazing. This collaboration between The Cure’s Robert Smith and Souxsie and The Banshees’ Steve Severin is essential listening.

If you liked either group, The Glove is a worthy footnote in the history of both acts. If you aren’t convinced, there are several YouTube clips to sample, here’s just one of them–a great collision of Souxsie/Cure styles.