Tag Archives: bad album art

WTF: From Jesus to Satan

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Imagine the conversation that went on at the record company about THIS one:

“Gladys, get me King Diamond on the phone.”

“Heyyyyy! King baby, it’s Mel down at the record company. Listen, baby, we didn’t sell enough copies of that last record you did and we need a favor. Holiday albums ALWAYS bring in a few bucks, so why don’t you come on down and give us something for Christmas, what d’ya say Kingie old sweetheart?”

“Whaddya MEAN you don’t celebrate CHRISTMAS? King, baby, I know how you feel, I’m JEWISH for cryin’ out loud. You think I wanna have anything to do with this goyim crap? Now come on, we all want a nice holiday bonus this year, right baby? Get your sweet self down here and take a nice picture for the album cover, ok? Yeah, yeah, yeah, hail Satan–I don’t care what you do at home, Kingie. Just come on over and let’s both make bank this year.”

“Thanks King, you’re beautiful, baby!”

WTF: Let Me Touch Him

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Southern Gospel loonies strike again. Just LOOK at these weenies. Matching suits, goofy smirks, plenty of Brylcreem and one GREAT BIG HOMOEROTIC ALBUM TITLE.

Just who were these guys getting the horn over, anyway?  Probably the photographer, standing in a baptism frock with a “Mom cut it at home” pageboy haircut and hippie sandals.

If you can get over the obvious, the title “Let Me Touch Him” sounds like some kind of weasel-faced, Jesus-soaked Buzzcocks ripoff (“Why Can’t I Touch It?”) but it’s much more fun to think of these creepy bastards fighting over some choirboy.

None of these guys looks like they even want to be on the cover of this musical abortion, let alone SING on it. How many copies do you think THIS one sold? Probably about as many as a Duritti Column 12-inch single.

WTF: Truth In Advertising with Krak Attack

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For reasons I shall NEVER understand, some performers are obsessed with toilets and asses on their album covers. I broke out the Ouija board and consulted with Sigmund Freud about this, and according to Freud’s ghost the whole thing boils down to a  subconscious desire to sell music with truthful packaging. This record, no doubt, sounds JUST LIKE ASS.

P.S. I couldn’t bring myself to reproduce this album cover any larger than this size. Ick.

WTF #3: Millie Jackson Squeezes Out a Few Hits

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If there is a Hell, it’s reserved for the people who thought THIS ALBUM COVER was a GOOD IDEA.

Let me see if I understand this situation correctly. Millie Jackson, having quit her day job and staked her future on a singing career, looked at all her album cover options, and after due deliberation decided this photo of her on the crapper was THE BEST way to represent the recorded material.

How’d that singing career work out for ya, Millie?

On the other hand, maybe this album cover is the god’s honest truth; perhaps the album sounds like shit and this is just a rare instance of truthful packaging.

Just LOOK at that picture–this woman positively DWARFS that toilet. She must be linebacker-sized, and I shudder to think about the aftermath of this photo shoot. The expression on Millie Jackson’s face lets you know you’ll wear a similar grimace once the needle drops on this steaming turd of a record.