I was browsing the design site Creative Meat when lo and behold, what do I find but a collection of top WTF moments of album cover design genius. My favorite wrong-headed cover (and in this case just plain misogynistic to boot) has to be courtesy of a gent calling himself Top Dog. Just look at the liberal, forward-thinking mentality at work on this record, Slam Dunk’n Hoes:

One of the biggest criticisms leveled at hip-hop is that a rather uncomfortable number of the artists involved seem to be all about freedom, equality and the right to be what you are…as long as you are male. Album covers like Top Dog’s don’t really do much to counter that argument, no?

But never mind all that, after all, Top Dog clearly doesn’t care about any of that and we’re wasting our breath trying to convince him that his attitudes are, well, crap. Let’s address the pressing issue of eye pollution here. Top Dog looks like he just stepped away from his segment on The View, talking about a new high colonic regimen and juice-only health plan. He really could be on tour with Joel Osteen here instead of, well, slam dunking “hoes”.

And one thing that is ALWAYS priceless about these kinds of projects is the list of “guest stars” on the album cover. Hey look! This album features a whole laundry list of people YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF! Isn’t that AWESOME that Icey Hott is on this record?

You’d never buy a record by Icey Hott all by itself–I mean, REALLY–who wants to hear songs about sports cream? But here these people all are, most likely hanging out in the studio agreeing with everything Top Dog says for like, 12 hours at a time JUST IN CASE they can throw their voices on one of these tracks.

I hate to draw comparisons here, but much of hip hop has become the new country music, in that there are about five themes endlessly recycled on all records, plus about seven standard costumes for all performers. I think hip hop and country really SHOULD team up the way gangsta rap and heavy metal did back in the 90s–wouldn’t THAT be a riot?

Can you see a Dirty South/Southern Fried music movement blending all the cliches of country and hip hop together to make one big empty musical statement about truck drivin’ playas who slam dunk hoes and love their dogs? I would pay to see that.

But I’m getting ranty. Suffice it to say Top Dog won’t be invited to speak at any NOW conventions any time soon. Top Dog, if you had at least put this album cover in, say, outer space, it wouldn’t be so cringe inducing. Then at least the viewer would be completely bewildered even as you were scratching your head at the whole disrespect to women thing. Confusion is sex.