Category Archives: album

WTF Bad Album Covers: The Best Heavy Metal Album Ever

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WTF Bad Album Covers

It’s not the artwork that makes this one of the worst covers we’ve seen all month, it’s the last word printed on the cover.

There’s only one thing sillier than putting a nancy-boy glam band like Poison on a heavy metal compilation album…and that’s putting a nancy-boy whine-rock band like NICKELBACK on a heavy metal compilation album. That this piece of crap is called The Best Heavy Metal Album In The World Ever AND features a Nickelback song is proof positive that morons rule the world, and we are their slaves.

OK, not ALL of us, but at least the suckers who actually BOUGHT this. Sorry, but the fact that Motorhead shows up here does NOT redeem the album. The Best Heavy Metal Album Ever is, in all possibility by Motorhead…so ignore this and go listen to March Or Die instead.

I hate to go on and on here, but Nickelback? METAL? The very name is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. Nickelback is by far one of the absolute worst of the whiner bands in recent memory. They started off as unlistenable angst-whiner rock and went downhill from there to balladeering craphounds. All whiners, all the time. What a bunch of tossers. And now…this. Rock on, dudes. And Nickelback.

Wow, that was a lot of venom directed at the gents in the N-word band. I feel better now. Lighter.

J. Wallace

Tenebre Soundtrack Vinyl…The Last of the Last?

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Goblin Tenebre LP vinyl albumIt’s been fun, but it looks like the fun is about to end. We have it on good authority that the much-beloved Tenebre vinyl LP released by Dagored is finally going out of print. Once they are gone from your local record stores, they are gone unless somebody in Italy changes their mind and decides to run up some more of these.

What does this mean for us, the rabid record collectors, Goblin junkies, soundtrack lovers everywhere? Unfortunately, in the same vein as the much sought-after release of The Beyond soundtrack, prices on any remaining copies of Tenebre on vinyl released by Dagored will probably go through the roof.

The Beyond OST soundtrack CD by Fabio Frizzi already sells for $199 US for a new, sealed copy. That is utter MADNESS, don’t you think? Used copies of the CD sell for about $50. Will this also happen to the much beloved Tenebre soundtrack? Probably.

Turntabling itself has sold out of the Dagored vinyl release of Tenebre–it flew off our table at the HorrorHound Weekend show in Indianapolis, so alas there will be no profiteering from us thanks to the lack of Tenebre vinyl…however we are always looking for more copies and rest assured, if we find them we will put them up for sale here–without the $100 price tag, thank you very much!
Continue reading Tenebre Soundtrack Vinyl…The Last of the Last? →

WTF Bad Album Covers Harry and Terry

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bad album covers harry and terry

Two things. First, it’s clear that someone’s hand is in a “bad touch” position. Second, if you saw this album cover in the store and you bought it anyway, you’re a CHUMP. That is all.

No, wait, that is NOT all. WTF is an effing VETRILOQUIST doing with a RECORD out? Isn’t the entire schtick of working that idiotic puppet supposed to be “WOW, that puppet is REALLY TALKING! I can hardly see this dude’s lips move!”

An album with a wooden puppet is sort of like turning someone suffering from multiple personality disorder loose in the studio. You don’t really know WHO the voices are, but you’re terrified ANYWAY. Why is this guy talking to himself in that goofy voice? And what gives with wooden puppets and their dental problems? Charlie McCarthy, this dude…someone get these damn things to a cosmetic oral surgeon and FAST.
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WTF Bad Album Cover: Dan Nicoloff Everybody’s Pink Under The Skin

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WTF Bad Album Covers Dan Nicholoff

There are bad album covers…and then there are LP covers that make you want to penetrate your own skull with a claw hammer because they’re so mind-rottingly awful. There’s not much to day about this that you haven’t already been thinking to yourself. Dan Nicoloff’s Everybody’s Pink Under The Skin is a sort of lame-o take on Clive Barker’s Books of Blood quip; “Everyone is a book of blood. When we’re opened, we’re red.” But Barker, even in his most feverish moments, could never have envisioned something like this.

It’s art design so staggeringly lame that you KNOW someone got PAID to do it. Look at the malice aforethought going on here. This cover looks like a photograph that someone actually staged and lit properly for EFFECT. I shudder to think about the time and effort that went into this. And I sit here wondering if it’s actually something WORSE–a photorealism PAINTING of some kind that a human being actually LABORED OVER to get JUST RIGHT.

That’s a thought my poor brain can’t quite get behind. Continue reading WTF Bad Album Cover: Dan Nicoloff Everybody’s Pink Under The Skin →