WTF Bad Album Covers: Dolly Parton Bubbling Over

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wtf bad album covers dolly parton bubbling overby Joe Wallace

If I saw the disembodied head of Dolly Parton floating in MY lawn sprinkler system, I wouldn’t know whether to shoot myself in the head or start screaming for an exorcist, but one thing’s for sure–I wouldn’t stand idly by waiting for the hideous jabbering head of Dolly Parton to start uttering blasphemies in Etruscan and summoning demons in the middle of the yard.

The most WTF part of this wretched album cover is the fact that–unless my eyes deceive me–that’s Dolly Parton standing at the back of this scene, watching her OWN HEAD floating on the sprinkler spray. How effed up is THAT? What is this cover saying about the mental state of the singer?

Seems to me that Dolly Parton’s dual personality crisis has manifested itself on this album–this cover is a cry for help. “Please save me from myself!” Dolly is shrieking. That’s not a smile on her face, that’s the rictus grin of someone who has either died recently or has been injected with a lethal dose of botox and rabies.

Or it’s the facial expression of someone who GETS that the cover art concepts sucks the root, but has been held hostage by the record company. “Dolly, if you don’t do this album cover JUST THE WAY WE SAY, we’ll electrocute a puppy. AND we’ll cut off your electrolysis treatments. Got it? You WANT hairy nipples? Go ahead, give us trouble.”

WTF Bad Album Covers: The Worst So Far?

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WTF bad album covers mazaradi fox and the dumoutsby Joe Wallace

There are some people who tell me that picking on rap albums is like shooting fish in a barrel. There are so very many bad album covers in the rap, hip hop, metal, and singer/songwriter genres that it’s almost a cop-out to post one in any of these genres. You wouldn’t believe how many album covers I turn down for posting here because they just aren’t rotten enough.

And then there’s this one. Another example of truth in advertising in the genre, the band has the word “dumb” in its name so you already know what to expect–contentwise we’re probably talking the equivalent of a lyric sheet from any Blink 182 record. You want deep thoughts? Go read some James Joyce. If you’re looking for utter bewilderment, this is a fine and dandy album cover to gaze upon.

What’s the deal with the dude holding the machete? The One Way sign over the thanksgiving turkey makes me think of food poisoning for some reason…and the tilty baseball caps make these gents look like grade school kids out ready to go running after the ice cream truck. Hard core street survivors? Not on this album cover. More like Leave It To Beaver. Tomorrow I’ll look at this and think that the guy on the bottom left looks like Cat from Red Dwarf, but today it’s all about the ice cream truck. Maybe I’ve been listening to far too much KLF for my own good.

I imagine the conversation about this picture going something like this. “Hey, we gotta get a COVER on this mess. What do you want to put on it? I’m thinking about turkeys. And place settings. And big fluffly clouds. But make sure you get some mad faces on there too so people don’t think we’re a bunch of sissies.”

Privilege Original Soundtrack Vinyl LP

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Privilege Original Soundtrack Peter Watkins vinylIn spite of some brilliant work, director Peter Watkins still relatively obscure–a true cult movie director in every sense of the word. He’s made several controversial pictures, one of which (Punishment Park) is still sometimes confused with a real documentary film by those who see the movie without any of the backstory of how it was made.

Privilege is a different beast altogether. This movie, starring Paul Jones & Jean Shrimpton, is about cults of personality, manipulation, religion, you name it. Some are rabid fanatics of this film, others say it doesn’t hold up very well. Some critics say that in spite of the flaws of this Peter Watkins film, it–like Punishment Park–does presage some latter-day abuses of power quite well.

The soundtrack is widely praised by those in the know, and the songs that are designed to be bombastic and ridiculous (see the movie already!) are that way be design. The Youtube clip from Privilege below is from a point in the film where the pop star icon has been co-opted by the Church and is now acting as its mouthpiece–hence the crosses and the religious lyrics. If you’re a fan of Privilege (as we are, again, in spite of its flaws) this soundtrack is definitely a must-own. Sadly, there’s only ONE of these in stock here at the moment–first come, first served!

The Privilege Original Soundtrack is a sealed, out-of-print original pressing on the Universal City label. It is NOT a recent repressing. Buy it now from Turntabling for $30 plus shipping.






WTF Bad Album Covers: Monstrosity In Dark Purity

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WTF bad album covers Monstrosity Dark Purityby Joe Wallace

Oh, sweet Jesus what do we have HERE? Scary, barely legible band logos indicated the presence of METAL.

Supported by the fact that a vaguely Rob Zombie-esque sinister entity appears on the cover of this mons-turd, and it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or his latter day doppleganger Doctor Who to figure out that a brain clearly damaged by hours of non-stop headbanging thought this Photoshopped atrocity would be a great way to sell records.

The name of this little gem really takes the cake. “In Dark Purity“?? Why not just call it “Little House On The Prairie With Satan” and get it over with?

With a title like that, these guys HAVE to be Cookie Monster metal. I’m not listening to this to find out–we’ll save that little chore for a teeno hesher who hasn’t heard enough bad music yet. I can only judge this book by its cover…

I won’t even LOOK at the song titles, which I am sure are early-period Metallica ripoffs. I bet you a dollar there’s an Eye of the Beholder-style title, some kind of Fade to Black reference, a song about falling into a pit of despair and at least one track that makes references to conquering, crushing, or sodomizing an angel.

Go look for me, willya?