Tag Archives: bad album covers

WTF Album Covers: Wrong On So Many Levels

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This installment of WTF Album covers is brought to you by racism, bad taste, and misguided youth. We present you three eyeball-searing album covers that beggar logic and make us seriously reconsider whether music is a good thing or not. “Do you like music?” Well, WE do, but the people who made these album covers clearly DO NOT.

This particular series was discovered at the COMPLETELY awesome site Glorify The Turd, which as far as website names go is one of the greatest in history. Normally we try to avoid sourcing images like this, but Glorify The Turd has some of the most truly obscure and brain-jerkingly horrific album covers that we couldn’t resist paying tribute to them here with these three starting with a quartet of truly misguided born-again metalers.

The fine print there at the bottom reads, “This album is dedicated to those who have not yet received the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior. We’re Coming.” Oh dear. One thing this bunch of born-again Klangmeisters does have going for it is a bit of rare multi-culturalism.  But the hairdos and stage clothes have GOT to go. These lads have been shopping for their gear at Forever 21, as evidenced by the polka-dot dude here on the bottom right. Nice one, man–raid your little sister’s wardrobe AND tell me about Jesus.

Next, a move in the opposite direction. These gents aren’t into JESUS…they want to go a bit further SOUTH:

Um…res ipsa loquitor.

Your attention might not be directed to the bottom half of this album cover, but you’ll discover the REAL HORROR of it once you detect the bobbing head. OK, I’ll be the first to say it (maybe not). If our society is going to evolve past its racial tension problems, we have to progress to the point where we are either not afraid or or hurt by at all of the N-word or any other slur or nickname, or NOBODY GETS TO SAY THEM EVER. It’s one or the other, folks.


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WTF Album Covers by Britney Spears

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I know what you’re thinking. And you’re right. There’s no real point in wasting time pointing out that a Britney Spears album cover is crap. The contents are crap, the “artwork” will be wretched as well. But there’s something really galling about Britney Spears aping Johnny Rotten. Behold:

This image really irritated conservatives in Britain at the time…but who cares? Such narrow-minded folk are born to be tormented by people like John Lydon, it’s the natural order of things. And then there’s this:

Dunno if this is the promo artwork for a single, an album or some other nonsense–I can’t be bothered to investigate Britney Spears for a second longer. But I am amused that somebody somewhere thought it would be a good lark to put her on the cross…see, people instantly associate the crucifixion imagery with Jesus and Christianity, but in a historical context, the lowest of the low got crucified.The dregs. Common, dirtbag criminals and people the Romans didn’t think enough of to put into forced labor.

And musically speaking, that’s exactly what’s going on here. Britney has at last found her place with the rest of the human refuse in the music industry. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it makes me laugh. As does this:

At first I thought perhaps this was Britney’s final freakout–that this artwork was an ad for some kind of new white supremacist tea party nonsense. But we would have heard about that by now. Nope, this has to be something else. It’s not an ad for her new gig at Hats Unlimited, so it MUST be an album cover.

A stupid, stupid album cover.

“Hey look, folks, my head can be used for more than just a battering ram. It’s also a HAT RACK. Now buy my single.”

–Joe Wallace

WTF Album Covers: Two Atrocities that Will Damage Your Brain

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Permanent brain damage alert! Do NOT look at these album covers unless you want your visual cortex burned beyond repair. One of these lovelies is a complete first for us here at Turntabling–we’ve never featured an OPERA album cover before, but this one is certainly worthy. It demands a frame and a special place in the home, does it not?

Is that dress a Mondrian crossover atrocity? Or just some fashion designer’s idea of a sick prank? Either way, the net effect is brain seizure followed by fight-or-flight adrenaline overload as you try to violently remove your eyes from their sockets.

Next up, the special torture:

Aside from the spread-eagle lady with the pumps and her blonde spandex-wearing counterpart, this bunch looks like they just got done shooting a hard day’s work on The Electric Company or Zoom. This is one dance party I need the bottle of ether for, thanks.

WTF Album Covers: Bein’ Smarmy For Jesus

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Rednecks, inbreeders, peckerwoods, southern-friend jeezo-grovelers and mother-of-pearl button shirt wearing evangelist sweat machines abound, but few are as proud of their ignorance as some of THESE geniuses.

Sex…and the FEMALE? You’ve got to be kidding, right? The FEMALE? Is this guy studying Bonobo mating habits or is he talking about HUMAN FEMALES? The last time I heard anybody refer to a woman as “a female” it was right before he was about to try and make her into a meal for the happy cannibal family in some 70s slasher atrocity. This Jay Snell fellow as DAMAGE.

If the aliens spaceships made it all the way to Earth from wherever it is they’re from, if they see THIS jackass floating around in orbit around the planet, they’ll just set the deathrays to “incinerate/obliterate” and fire away without thinking twice. Look at that HAIR…we deserve to be oblivionized for tolerating this walking abomination on our Earth, and in our record stores. Did I mention that I own this?

I don’t care how much Jesus loves me, I’d never close my eyes around this guy. The look on his face in this particular image makes me think he either wants to EAT me or harvest my organs. Maybe he wants to make a pair of leather man-panties out of my flesh. Yeah, that’s the vibe I’m getting off this.

This album cover is merely lame instead of laugh-inducingly stupid, but come on, it’s Jimmy “I Have Sinned Against You” Swaggart. The man who routinely and repeatedly paid for hookers he wouldn’t even attempt to have sex with. Not only is that completely financially stupid, but…wait, it’s just plain stupid. This album would be funnier if it were DEAD From Nashville and Swaggart were made up as a zombie. But then again, he’s lived most of his life as one, so what’s the dif?

This collection of “humorous” gospel songs would be less frightening if Bob Larson didn’t look like he wants to rip off all my skin with a potato peeler and push me into a salt bath. For Jesus. The expression on his face says he’s either not getting enough fiber or getting far too much. It’s impossible to tell from this angle, but there is SOMETHING going on back there.

–Joe Wallace