Remember, kids–when you see the severed head of some goofball evangelist preaching the gospel to you, it’s probably time to LAY OFF THE ACID.
Never mind how appallingly, redneckity-sexist this album cover is. Forget about how stupid the album cover concept might be, and dispense with all your well-founded objections over it being simple-minded and flat out DUMB. Just for a second.
See if you can guess what kind of a record this is just by looking at that idiotic “please laugh at my jokes” expression on Rodney Carrington’s southern-fried face for a moment.
That’s right, kids, Rodney Carrington is perched on a woman’s breasts in order to sell his particular brand of “comedy”, which seems to entail a sort of sub-Jeff Foxworthy redneck-in-the-city schtick, complete with an “aw, shucks” delivery in the most contrived tractor pull accent he can muster.
And to make things worse, he’s a SINGING comedian, too. Oh, lord, please kill us all now in a torrent of nuclear fire so that we never, EVER have to endure another listen to this crap. It’s not just funny, it’s offensively not funny. As in, these jokes are so stupid you’ll actually get offended that someone is trying to sell an album full of them.
Here’s a direct quote: “”The zoo is so dayumm boring, they need to make it more exciting…take a Slim Jim, stick it in the ayuss of a death row inmate and haive heyum rum thraw the lion cage widdowt geddin beeyut.”
Effing HILARIOUS, to somebody somewhere, probably. But not anywhere near an area with a population greater than three.
Don’t get the wrong idea–we’re not in favor of whitewashing comedy in favor of an all PC landscape free from anything that might be “wrong”. Transgressive humor is funny because, well, because it’s not supposed to BE funny. But there’s a big difference between pushing boundaries and brick-in-the-face DUMB, which really gets the hackles up for certain writers who discover these things while idly surfing the internet for bizarre recordings.
Sometime between Brian Austin Green’s turn on the horrifically dull Beverly Hills 90210 and the show’s cancellation, Green decided to go into a recording studio. He dropped his pants, squatted over a microphone, and pinched out the steaming atrocity you see before you.
“One Stop Carnival” is every bit as dull as 90210, but with the added wannabe pastiche of white boy hip hop thrown in for good measure. Green–or his record label minders–apparently thought that substituting “da” for “the” on every other song title would add some street cred to this flushable collection of me-too beats and lame-ass rhyming.
On the opening track, Green leaps into his Captain Lame-Ass act as hard as he can in the first 30 seconds, blurting out “Yeah man…she was fat, but I ain’t gonna tell my friends…” and “Hey, yo…HOWS IT GOIN’?”
One-record-wonder Green even has the gall to include a track critical of the music industry. That’s a sign of defiance in many cases (reference the Sex Pistols one and only full length studio record from the original glory days of UK punk) but for One Stop Carnival, it’s a definite sign of trouble akin to having your movie directed by Alan Smithee.
And while we’re examining this dead cockroach up close, how about that album cover? Green was clearly going for some kind of Henry Rollins/Ice-T scowl, but instead he comes across in dire need of some stewed prunes.
And yes, believe it or not, this actually did make it to vinyl–at least according to Discogs.com. It was mostly distributed on CD and poor unfortunates who feel an overpowering urge can download this on MP3, but a “sampler” LP was put out as a promo of some kind back in ’96 when this stinking pile was dumped onto an unsuspecting public.
I don’t know who Wendy Bagwell is, but the utter horror of these album covers is plenty, thanks. Suitable for framing. In HELL. Look at those grotesque rictus grins! Who was applying the leeches during this photo shoot? And more importantly, WHERE? Not to mention the utterly Beavis & Butthead snickers the album title lends itself to.
But wait, the horror doesn’t stop here! More awfulness…