Tag Archives: bad album art

WTF Album Covers: Rodney Carrington King Of The Mountains

Never mind how appallingly, redneckity-sexist this album cover is. Forget about how stupid the album cover concept might be, and dispense with all your well-founded objections over it being simple-minded and flat out DUMB. Just for a second.

See if you can guess what kind of a record this is just by looking at that idiotic “please laugh at my jokes” expression on Rodney Carrington’s southern-fried face for a moment.

That’s right, kids, Rodney Carrington is perched on a woman’s breasts in order to sell his particular brand of “comedy”, which seems to entail a sort of sub-Jeff Foxworthy redneck-in-the-city schtick, complete with an “aw, shucks” delivery in the most contrived tractor pull accent he can muster.

And to make things worse, he’s a SINGING comedian, too. Oh, lord, please kill us all now in a torrent of nuclear fire so that we never, EVER have to endure another listen to this crap. It’s not just funny, it’s offensively not funny. As in, these jokes are so stupid you’ll actually get offended that someone is trying to sell an album full of them.

Here’s a direct quote: “”The zoo is so dayumm boring, they need to make it more exciting…take a Slim Jim, stick it in the ayuss of a death row inmate and haive heyum rum thraw the lion cage widdowt geddin beeyut.”

Effing HILARIOUS, to somebody somewhere, probably. But not anywhere near an area with a population greater than three.

Don’t get the wrong idea–we’re not in favor of whitewashing comedy in favor of an all PC landscape free from anything that might be “wrong”. Transgressive humor is funny because, well, because it’s not supposed to BE funny. But there’s a big difference between pushing boundaries and brick-in-the-face DUMB, which really gets the hackles up for certain writers who discover these things while idly surfing the internet for bizarre recordings.

WTF Album Covers: The Everlasting Horror of Wendy Bagwell

I don’t know who Wendy Bagwell is, but the utter horror of these album covers is plenty, thanks. Suitable for framing. In HELL. Look at those grotesque rictus grins! Who was applying the leeches during this photo shoot? And more importantly, WHERE? Not to mention the utterly Beavis & Butthead snickers the album title lends itself to.

But wait, the horror doesn’t stop here! More awfulness…

WTF Album Covers: Atrocity Upon Atrocity

WTF album covers don’t have to necessarily be technically awful or tastelessly inept. They can also simply lend themselves to pure mockery by obvious double entendre titles or conceptual silliness. Look at these two beauties:

I don’t want to know about their happy hands. I do NOT want to know about their happy hands. Please don’t tell me about their happy hands.

Burning question: how much cocaine did it take for this cover to seem like a GOOD IDEA? The name of this record is “Ride A Rock Horse” but “rock” isn’t the word you’re thinking of right now. It does RHYME with “rock” though.

And finally, an open letter from the future to born again recording artists of the past. KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE EFFING PUPPETS ALREADY. Thank you.

Bad Album Covers on the Ellen DeGeneres Show

As a rule, daytime television sucks the air out of a deceased camel. But I have to say, I was totally surprised by this clip from the Ellen show, because not only did she NOT trot out some bad album covers that everybody has seen before a million times, she actually SURPRISED ME as a connoisseur of shitty album art with two records I didn’t even know existed.

Honor Blackman recorded a record? The former Bond girl turns songstress? Or was she always a singer and I just didn’t know it? That album cover isn’t as awful as some, but Ellen DeGeneres does have just as much fun at Honor Blackman’s expense as I would here–her riffs on these records were pretty funny. And I hate daytime TV.

Then again, maybe some producer out there in TV land has been watching this space, and I should consider a lawsuit.

Only kidding–there are plenty of crap album covers and enough jokes to go around for all eternity. Plus, right-wing extremist knuckle-draggers hate Ellen DeGeneres, which makes her a good egg in my book. How could I possibly tilt lances at her when she gives the righties nightmares? Behold three wretched album covers and commentary as featured on the Ellen show: